Dirty Politics Mayor Of Fighting Creek Outpolls Challengers To Keep Bar’s Outhouse Clean, Stocked

Mayor-elect Tom Goldhorn bellied up to the bar Wednesday and savored a foamy glass of sweet victory.

“Who’s the mayor?” asked one patron.

“This guy,” said a visitor, pointing at Goldhorn.

The voter sized up Goldhorn.

“You’ll have to shave,” he said.

“And keep the outhouse stocked with toilet paper,” said the fellow next to him.

And so the torch is passed at the Fightin’ Creek Bar, where each November, bar patrons participate in a tongue-in-cheek election for unofficial mayor of Fighting Creek. The unincorporated community, about 13 miles south of Coeur d’Alene, includes those parts of Idaho and Washington that are within a few miles of the bar and store.

“Politics being what it is, sometimes you look for a little relief,” said former mayor Dick Wandrocke. “You can vote for anybody, living or dead, but no dogs allowed.”

Wandrocke’s platform four years ago included a proposal that the nearby Coeur d’Alene Indian Tribe build a wooden boat, sail to Spain and plant a tribal flag, saying they’d discovered the country.

“They liked that idea,” he recalled.

Starting one month before Election Day, the bartender hands out a ballot with every $1.50 glass of beer, cup of coffee, or can of pop. On Tuesday, workers dumped the ballots on the pool table, tallied them and declared Goldhorn the new mayor of Fighting Creek. More than 2,000 ballots were cast, under the watchful eye of the Richard Nixon poster hanging on the bar wall.

With vote-buying allowed - even encouraged - voters don’t seem too worried about mayoral misbehavior.

“If there is any corruption or malfeasance in office, it’s done right on the surface,” said Wandrocke. “So, no problem.”

There was, however, some concern over stuffing the ballot box. Some unethical voters may have photocopied the white paper ballots last year, officials thought, so this year’s ballots were difficult-to-copy red.

By a margin of more than 600 to 1, Goldhorn outpolled O.J. Simpson, Mark Fuhrman, Richard Nixon, Louis Farrakhan, Hillary Clinton, Mother Teresa, Jesse Jackson and Genghis Khan. They each received one vote; Goldhorn netted 625.

In ones or twos, votes were also cast for hundreds of lesser luminaries, mainly people who downed a beer, then modestly voted for themselves.

The mayoral duties are simple: occasionally sweep out the two-holer outhouse behind the bar, and keep it stocked with toilet paper.

When Wandrocke was elected, he showed up for the inauguration with a half-case of toilet tissue. A few mayors have gone the extra mile and purchased air fresheners.

Determined to make his mark on posterity, Goldhorn has promised to go them one better. He says he’ll install a mayoral fan in the outhouse, though he said he might let the next mayor worry about the electricity. There is a lifetime limit of one one-year term per person.

Goldhorn’s inauguration is scheduled for Dec. 17, when he will be handed his mayoral pitcher of beer, mayoral mug and gavel - actually, a broom. His name will be added to the mayoral plaque, hanging on the wall among the horse blankets, cowboy paintings and elk antlers.

“Being stuck out here in the sticks,” Goldhorn chuckled, “we’ve got to make our own fun.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo