Cheap Seats

Headline Graber

At the Superdome in New Orleans, a “Name in Lights” promotion allows anyone to put a message on the giant scoreboard for one minute at the cost of $25. Usually, messages say “Happy Birthday” or “Will You Marry Me?” But during Rutgers’ 45-40 football win over Tulane, one message read, “Doug Must Go.” Minutes later came, “-OUG, Where’s the D?” Rutgers is 3-6 under coach Doug Graber, allowing 39 points per game - 104th out of 107 I-A teams.

Rutgers officials, seated two booths away from the scoreboard operator, asked for a cease-and-desist order. Tulane officials shrugged.

Let Graber pony up 25 bucks and he can have equal time.

A week in the life of Barry

Dallas coach Barry Switzer has been an easy target this week, what with ‘Boys’ collapse against the 49ers. Maybe his problems started the week before, after beating Philadelphia in a Monday night game.

During his post-game press conference, Switzer interrupted the questioning to note that a radio reporter looked like Son of Sam. “Has anybody ever told you that before?” he wondered.

Later in the same news conference, Switzer referred to Hurvin McCormack, one of his starting defensive linemen, as “Kevin McCormack.”

And later in the week, Switzer noted that his son Doug would be playing an important college football game as quarterback for Arkansas-Pine Bluff against “William Morris.”

William Morris? “Oh yeah, that’s a talent agency, isn’t it?” he said. “I mean William Brown. Yeah, it’s William Brown.”

William Brown? Switzer’s son was playing against a college called Morris Brown.

Lock your car, take your brains

Slopes are for skiing, parking lots are for cars. A New York appeals court said so in dismissing a negligence lawsuit against the Highwinds ski center brought by a 72-year-old skier who fell in its parking lot.

Eugene Brousseau was cross country skiing when he took a break for lunch. Without removing his skis, he decided to take a short cut across a gravel parking lot. He fell, injuring his left shoulder and rib cage.

“Defendants had no duty to maintain an adequate snow cover on their parking lot for the benefit of skiers who might choose to ski upon it,” wrote Justice Edward Spain.

Brousseau blamed his defeat on “bad lawyers.”

Say hello to him for me

Chris Mullin of the Warriors has this war story from the NBA’s lockout of its referees. He was approached at a recent game by a replacement ref, who mentioned seeing Mullin’s brother not long ago.

“Yeah?” Mullin asked. “Where was that?” “I worked one of his games,” the ref replied.

Mullin’s brother, Terrence, plays in a New York amateur league, commonly known as a “Keg League” because the losers must buy the winners a keg of beer.

“I don’t want you to take this wrong,” Mullin told the ref, “but that scares the hell out of me.”

The last word …

“I don’t feel totally comfortable unless I can hug my players. I don’t want to hug a thug.”

- LSU basketball coach Dale Brown on recruiting

, DataTimes