This Guy Really Works At Lying
Liar, liar, pants on fire, nose as long as a telephone wire
If that children’s ditty is true, Dick Hoskins must be the professional liar he claims to be because his pants aren’t burning and his nose isn’t any longer than the next guy’s.
“I lie. I write it down. I put it in a book and I sell it. So I’m a professional,” he insists, absent-mindedly scratching the hairless spot on top of his head.
He makes a good case. But why would anyone sell himself as a liar? Because writers are a dime a dozen and admitted liars aren’t?
“It works really well,” Dick says. “My card gets me into places you wouldn’t believe.”
In a world where everyone has a story to tell, Dick needed a gimmick. He was just another aerospace engineer retired in Coeur d’Alene. He was just another guy with a computer in his basement and a headful of stories.
His brazen admission that he lies for a living brought him so much attention that he sold more than 2,000 copies of his first book, “Building Character: Tales from Montana (And Other Damn Lies).”
So he wrote another, “more Montana,” and published it himself. It just hit bookstores in the area. He filled it with funny, folksy tales from his life - baseball games in the cow pasture, the ghost in his house, nearly dying on his father’s farm equipment (he took a light approach to that one, so it’s funny, too).
“I think ‘lies’ describes them as well as anything,” he says almost proudly. But he admits that an undercurrent of truth flows through most of his stories.
The books don’t make him any money but they satisfy his need to tell his funny tales to a wide audience. He says the books are too much work to publish so there won’t be a third. He also says he has enough material for another book.
Who knows what you can believe out of Dick Hoskins, professional liar?
Dick will sign copies of “more Montana” Nov. 24 at Coeur d’Alene’s Book and Game Co., Nov. 25 at Hastings and Dec. 16 at B.J.s in Sandpoint.
Jingle bells
Don’t scream. I know it’s not even Halloween yet. But the Kootenai Medical Center Foundation’s Festival of Trees Christmas trees go fast.
Here’s how the festival works: People or businesses adopt/sponsor trees that the foundation has bought. They decorate them beyond everyone’s dreams (I think magic wands are involved). The trees compete at the festival for awards, then are auctioned off to raise money for KMC. Some past trees have gone for as much as $5,000.
Big signs announce who decorated the trees for the thousands of spectators who stroll by.
The foundation spends its money well. It’s bought equipment for the emergency room and children’s programs and donated to the new health education center.
This time, it plans to buy vans to transport patients from KMC to local doctors and vice versa. Call 666-TREE to reserve yours.
Get messy
The wait is over. The Coeur d’Alene Cultural Center is off and running with classes in jewelry design, T-shirt painting, calligraphy, card-making, ornaments, tie-dye, needlework and kiddie science.
The classes are 10 a.m. to noon, Nov. 4, and cost $6 each. Register by Wednesday . Call 765-8196.
Anger control
Despite my best intentions, I lost it again on the road the other day. I rolled down my window to yell maniacally at someone who’d forgotten to signal their turn. There’s something in the driver’s seat that brings out the very worst in me. This incident was tame…
What happens to you in the car? Explode when someone cuts you off? Burn when you’re stuck behind a tractor? Seethe out your worst to Cynthia Taggart, “Close to Home,” 608 Northwest Blvd, Suite 200, Coeur d’Alene, ID, 83814; FAX to 765-7149; or call 765-7128.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo