Rating Battle Heats Up, And Comedy Ain’t Pretty

When we receive mail, it’s usually because a reader is offended by some joke we’ve made.

One reader, who refused to allow her name to be used, wants us to lay off O.J. Simpson. So we will - at least for today.

Instead, we’ll concentrate on David Letterman. He, you’ll recall, is the late-night comedy host whose CBS show is lagging behind Jay Leno and NBC’s “Tonight” in the ratings.

There are several reasons for this ratings reversal. But perhaps Letterman’s collapse has to do with jokes such as the following:

“There was a report today that last week O.J. Simpson held a birthday party for his daughter at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.” Letterman said. “I guess all the kids enjoyed the animals, and Michael and O.J. enjoyed a good laugh about the American legal system.”

Loose talk

Paul McCartney, smarting at charges that the late John Lennon was the “brain” of the Beatles (in London’s Daily Express): “There are certain people who think he was the Beatles. Now that is not true and John would be the first to tell you that. But you can’t blame people for feeling that way because his death was a hell of a tragedy.”

These days he’s just one of 31 competing flavors

Vanilla Ice turns 28 today.

Kimberly sounds like a likely candidate for KZZU’s ‘Asylum’

Our nominee for most biting television line of the week goes to Sydney (Laura Leighton) of “Melrose Place.” Speaking to emotionally challenged Kimberly (Marcia Cross),, Sydney said, “How’s electroshock going? It certainly has put an attractive curl in your hair.”

On TV, the candied tongue indeed doth lick absurd pomp

“Frasier” star Kelsey Grammer says Ted Danson was a good example on “Cheers.” “Let’s say you’re doing ‘Hamlet,”’ Grammer told Entertainment Weekly. “If the guy playin’ Hamlet is a twit, his energy will filter down to everybody else. If he’s not polite or creative or gifted, people will start doggin’ the show.”

Then again, Sharon Stone survived ‘Police Academy 4’

“Showgirls” director Paul Verhoeven, responding to the blunted career of “Showgirls” star Elizabeth Berkley, says he warned her bad things might happen. “I told her six months ago, ‘If people don’t like the movie because of the society it portrays, they won’t write about that. They’ll write that you can’t act, and you can’t dance,”’ Verhoeven said.

Just what we feared: Charlie Sheen for pres in 2008

As for “probing for the most unimportant peccadilloes of our leaders,” Walter Cronkite said, “Show me the man that does not have a few scars in that regard and I’ll show you a guy who hasn’t lived.” The ex-CBS broadcaster, speaking Saturday on ex-New York Gov. Mario Cuomo’s radio show, added, “I don’t want that man as my leader.”

And, of course, Cronkite is one of his biggest fans

South Africa’s president, Nelson Mandela, is a real fan of American actress Alfre Woodard. “Every time I see her, I’m tempted to have a secret affair with her,” he says. “I have to control myself.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster