Arrow-right Camera
The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Professional Help Is Needed

Ann Landers Creators Syndicate

Dear Ann Landers: While our oldest daughter, “Courtney,” was in her second year of college, she began to date “Carl,” who was not a serious student. Our daughter managed to maintain a good grade-point average and was planning to attend medical school.

It became obvious to us that her relationship with Carl was becoming intimate. Her father had a long talk with Courtney and tried to get her to drop Carl, but she refused. He then gave her an ultimatum. If she continued to see him, we would no longer give her financial support.

Out of the blue, Courtney’s grandmother got involved and took her side. She bought our daughter a new car and assured Courtney a generous monthly allowance. A few weeks later, Carl dumped Courtney anyway.

Months passed and the results of my mother-in-law’s interference became apparent. Courtney decided not to go to medical school. Instead, she got pregnant and married a man she barely knew. My husband’s mother continues to give Courtney money and will no doubt pay the medical expenses for the new baby. As you probably have guessed by this time, our daughter no longer wants anything to do with her father and me.

Why do some grandparents try to take over the parents’ authority? We feel we could have worked things out with our daughter if Granny had kept her nose where it belonged. You can print my letter and the city, but please withhold the name. - Baton Rouge, La.

Dear Baton: I’m printing your letter with the knowledge that there are at least two sides to every story - sometimes three or four, depending on your vantage point.

It’s obvious that Courtney messed up somewhere along the line and Granny stepped in to rescue her. Courtney sounds as if she needs some professional help. I hope Granny will foot the bill. It would be a far better gift than a new car. Meanwhile, don’t write the girl off. Make an effort to repair the relationship.

Dear Ann Landers: You missed it in your answer to “J.E. in Georgia,” the 22-year-old whose mother had died. “Georgia” said she had trouble sleeping and eating, cried for no reason and withdrew from friends and family. Her symptoms are that of clinical depression. She doesn’t need sleeping pills or something to help her eat. She needs a doctor and anti-depressants.

“Georgia” sounds just like me. I wouldn’t get out of bed, cried for no reason in the supermarket and hoped I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. If you’ve never been in this black pit, you can’t imagine how hideous it is.

I finally got help. I hated the idea of having to take medication daily, but I knew I couldn’t go on the way I was. You wouldn’t believe the difference it made in my life. I am actually enjoying myself for the first time in years. These aren’t happy pills, as some people believe. I still have my ups and downs, but most days I am somewhere in the middle where I ought to be.

Tell “Georgia” to see a reputable doctor who has experience dealing with depression. She doesn’t have to live like this. - Been There in Ithaca, N.Y.

Dear Ithaca: Of course you are right. Many readers also told me that “Georgia” should look into a support group for women whose mothers have died: Motherless Daughters, Prince Street Station, P.O. Box 663, New York, N.Y. 10012.