Cheap Seats
And the new commissioner is …
Now that the baseball labor dispute is getting close to a settlement, it is apparent that the major leagues will have a new commissioner before the end of the century.
According to Allan Malamud of the Los Angeles Times, the short list of candidates should be:
David Letterman, because he could draw up a terrific list of 10 ways to improve the sport.
Pete Rose, because he would place himself on the Hall of Fame ballot.
Michael Jordan, because he has paid his dues in the minor leagues.
Jane Fonda, because she realizes that even postseason games can put you to sleep.
Albert Belle, because he has so much clout.
And Marge Schott, because her role in baseball should be reduced even more.
The real glory days
The last time Jack Kemp was in the spotlight in San Diego was 1961 during the Chargers football season.
Kemp, now the Republican party’s vice presidential candidate and in town for the party’s convention, was a star in the city after the team moved from Los Angeles.
“He could hardly have been any more prominent,” Jerry McGee, a longtime sportswriter for the San Diego Union-Tribune, said. “San Diego was in the doldrums when the Chargers came here in 1961.”
With Kemp, the Chargers won AFL Western Division titles in 1960, while still in L.A., and 1961.
The Chargers eventually lost Kemp in 1962 after he severely dislocated a finger on his right hand. Kemp was put on waivers and the Buffalo Bills claimed him - for $100.
As a politician, his claims have been even more outrageous.
Grilling Boomer
Boomer Esiason is marketing a new barbecue sauce (Boomer’s Heroes) and also playing quarterback for a new football team (Arizona). His best chance for success may be as a marketeer. His last three stops as a quarterback have been the Cincinnati Bengals, New York Jets and now the Cardinals.
“That’s kind of like the Bermuda Triangle of quarterbacking,” Esiason said.
The next Cabbage Patch craze
NASCAR has announced it will move into the $2 billion toy vehicle market through a licensing agreement with Toy Biz Inc.
The three-year agreement includes action feature mini-vehicles, radio and remote controlled vehicles, ride-ons and motorized vehicles, as well as action figures and interactive education CD-ROM products.
This is only the most recent of the stock car sanctioning body’s licensing agreements, taking advantage of its continuing popularity and growth. During the past year, NASCAR has announced deals to open, among other things, theme restaurants, amusement parks, souvenir and memorabilia stores.
Better buy now. Those Ernie Irvan dolls are flying off the shelves.
The last word …
“The Red Sox - now on their fifth pitching coach since Opening Day 1995 - are giving new meaning to the term ‘five-man rotation.’ ” Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Jayson Stark
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