Consider When Age Gap Occursa

Sat., Aug. 31, 1996

Cheryl Lavin Chicago Tribune

As Einstein once said, everything is relative. 15 years is an enormous age difference when one party is 16 and driving and the other party is 1 and teething. It’s huge when one person is 30 and working and the other is 15 and going to school. But by the time one person is 35 and the other is 50, does it matter that much any more?

Cindy: “My husband Len is 54 and I’m 39. We’ve been married 17 years and have raised five children who are now aged 18 to 34. When they were younger, we used to tease that one was driving and the other had diaper rash. Our wedding invitations invited guests to ‘Share as we join our lives and our families into one.’ I was 22 and he was 39. The best compliment a parent can have is when your kids tell you they want a marriage like yours. All our married kids have said this at one time or another. Len was, and is, the kindest, most honest man I’ve ever met. He is my best friend, my lover, my husband and my business partner. It wasn’t always easy, but it’s always a lot of fun. Len says he’s not sure if I act his age or he acts mine. but either way, he’ll keep me.”

Michael: “Although my lady friend is not yet my spouse - we do have plans to marry - there is a 16 year age difference between us. I am 32, she is 48. We met at work and have known each other casually for about five years. A year ago, I asked her to meet me for a drink. We started seeing each other before and after work and on our breaks. She had to go on a business trip and I have never missed anyone so intensely. She stopped to see me when she got back and I was actually pacing as I waited for her to arrive. When she arrived, I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms. We were shaking with anticipation and excitement at the thought of seeing each other. I realized that the feelings we had come along only once in a lifetime. I’ve told her more than once that I have been looking for her all my life. I wasn’t aware of her age when I became involved with her. She takes care of herself, exercises regularly, is a vegetarian, and frankly, looks to be 38 or 40. When I met her, I simply saw her as a very attractive woman, slightly older than myself.

“Ultimately, the age difference is not a factor. When two people relate to each other, trust each other, love one another on a level that defies any and all defense mechanisms, they can let go and be the person they really are. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

Mort: “When I met Sarah, I was a confirmed bachelor of 39. She was a secretary of 24. I was visiting Israel for a family wedding. She was a blind date. We had a wonderful three-day romance and then I had to return to the States to care for my 89-year-old father. That year, I made three trips to Israel to pursue her. Quite a commute! Her parents, almost my age, doubted my sanity. We just celebrated our 24th anniversary and Sarah still says I act like one of our kids, who are 22 and 19.”

Francine: “When I met Jack, I was 25 and he was 42. The boys I dated were poor slobs who only wanted one thing. Jack was a man, suave, sophisticated, handsome, with a little silver around the temples. He took me to wonderful restaurants and treated me like a queen. We traveled to places I had only read about. He bought me beautiful presents and made me feel like a movie star. I am now 50, in my prime, and Jack is 67. He had a minor heart attack several years ago that ended our sex life. I like to go and do, he’s afraid to move. We had some wonderful years together and I would never leave him, but I feel like I made a foolish choice many years ago.

xxxx

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.