Cheap Seats

For future reference

After getting called for traveling on a right-to-left move in the Christmas game against the Pistons, Michael Jordan took referee Ron Olesiak aside and calmly explained: “I travel sometimes going to my right, but I don’t have a problem going to my left.”

We picture Moses advising God, “I fudge a little on the 10th commandment, but I don’t have a problem with the other nine.”

Tell that to the ref he had in a headlock

In an interview with Teddy Greenstein of the Chicago Tribune, Notre Dame center Rick Kaczenski elaborated on quarterback Ron Powlus’ decision to return for a final season once coach Lou Holtz decided to retire. Holtz’s conservative style, Kaczenski confirmed, retarded Powlus’ growth as a quarterback.

“A lot of times Ronnie didn’t want to take chances of making a big (passing) play,” Kaczenski said. “He said if he didn’t make it, he would be in deep trouble.

“We sit around and talk about it. Coach Holtz played not to lose. He had no killer instinct.”

True enough. So far he’s only crippled Powlus’ pro potential.

A small matter

Dumping the nickname “Midgets” turned Diane Melbye and friends into short-timers.

For 70 years, athletic teams at Dickinson High School in North Dakota were known as the Midgets, a nickname plucked from a newspaper description of the school’s feisty, but undersized, basketball players of the 1920s. But sensing the prevailing winds of political correctness, the school board ordered the nickname dropped - which prompted enraged residents to oust three members of the board in a recall election. Now the school is between nicknames; cheerleaders substitute “Dickinson” and “athletes” for the word “Midgets” in cheers.

Board members said the name and mascot - a squat, frowning boy - were offensive.

“I understand that people are desperately clinging to what they have known in the past,” said Melbye, one of the board members ousted, “but the mascot is not appropriate.”

In a related note, look for the re-release of that old Disney classic, “Snow White and the Seven Vertically Challenged Guys With Funny Names.”

Next time, try e-mail

When John Pickett owned the New York Islanders, general manager and coach Mike Milbury had trouble communicating with his boss.

“I tried reaching him shortly after I was hired,” Milbury recalled. “His servant put me on hold for 15 minutes and I hung up.”

Only 15 minutes? These days you can’t get through to one of your players in less than a half-hour.

Sincerely, Doc

At autograph shows, Doc Gooden signs his name for $20. However, as Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News points out, if you want “No Hitter” underneath, it costs you another $20.

How much if you want “recovering drug addict” underneath?

The last word …

“Tonya Harding is making a comeback. She starred in a special Christmas show called, ‘The Kneecracker.”’ - Jay Leno

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo