Color, Perhaps, But Nothing Off Color

Dear Miss Manners: Since the company I work for installed a network linking all the PCs, some intracompany communication that used to occur over the telephone or in memorandums now takes place in the form of electronic mail. E-mail seems to be less formal than a memorandum, more concise than a telephone call, and is delivered faster than a handwritten note sent through intracompany mail.

What is appropriate for the tone, style and level of formality in business electronic mail? Some people have personalized their e-mail by making the background and text different colors (blue type on a bright red background). Other people use emoticons such as this: :-)

Gentle Reader: If Miss Manners tentatively approves of emoticons (she confesses that she rather likes the word), will you promise not to take advantage of her innocence and lead her to repeat one that might be naughty? Not being naughty is, in fact, the chief rule about office e-mail. Office informality is not like social informality, because you are supposed to have a good idea of how much naughtiness your friends find nice.

In the office, naughtiness comprises not only what anyone who sees it might find offensive - which covers a lot of territory, since you never know who might see it and who might find what offensive - but overfamiliarity. You are not supposed to get too personal or too cute.

This eliminates any informality - informality meaning the relaxing of standards. Relaxing standards of professional behavior in one’s workplace is a disastrous idea. (When Miss Manners speaks of varying degrees of formality, she means the different forms that go with different degrees of solemnity. Thus, the message that the company has doubled its profits, or is dissolving, should not suddenly appear on everyone’s e-mail. And “Nice job!” from the boss carries less weight - and less chance of a salary raise - when it appears in e-mail instead of a letter.)

Cheerfulness is especially prized in the office, where it tends to be rare. In e-mail, which you aptly characterize as the least formal way of writing an interoffice note, a certain amount of breeziness could be charming.

Miss Manners has no objection to using color or other resources of the computer for this purpose, provided that basic professionalism is preserved.

This includes retiring icons that are beginning to get on people’s nerves, which is why Miss Manners is dearly hoping that one of the computer icons will finally knock out the smiley face.

Dear Miss Manners: I am diabetic and follow a routine for snacks and meals. When I entertain in my home for dinner, a guest may be late, and when I am a guest, my hosts may - and often do - wish to talk and socialize before dinner. I then am forced to eat a small package of raisins, fruit or peanut butter sandwiches. I feel uncomfortable doing the “pre-eat,” but feel I must, even when I do it in front of my guests. Even though I tell them I am a diabetic and must eat, I get the feeling most people understand little of what it is all about and are not at ease having to be the odd person out.

Gentle Reader: You are not going to get the necessary sympathetic attention from people who are already bombarded with requests for special understanding on the part of people with considerably less legitimate reasons than you have.

But you really don’t want this kind of attention. It is less fun to be monitored and pitied in everyday life than some people seem to imagine.

Miss Manners recommends that, when you are the host, you tell your guests when dinner will be served (“Please come at 7; we’ll be eating at 7:30”) and go ahead with that schedule, telling anyone who arrives late, “I knew you wouldn’t want us to wait for you.” When you are the guest, you can inquire, “What time will we be sitting down to eat?”