Hank Williams Had It Pegged

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly. Cheaters gotta cheat. Or do they? Is it possible for someone to change their cheating ways?

Josie: “Absolutely.

“I know from experience. I cheated on my husband two out of the three years we were married. Affairs are symptomatic of real problems in a relationship. I was raised in a loving home. My parents have been married now for 35 years. I believe that neither has ever cheated, so I had very good role models for a successful relationship.

“My relationship, however, was not successful. I was unhappy soon after we were married. I considered divorce, however, I felt this option would be giving up. Maybe I would be happier as the years went on. This didn’t happen. My husband did not meet all of my needs. I was attracted to others.

“A year after we were married, I considered an affair with an associate. Since he was married, too, we discussed it carefully for a long time. We both decided it was what we wanted, but we would be very careful not to risk our spouses finding out. We were successful over the two years.

“While this other relationship was fulfilling, I felt terribly guilty and vowed to quit after every time I saw him. But it was difficult. I convinced myself no one was getting hurt, but I was hurting inside. I finally got the strength to quit when I met someone from my past, a man whom I loved very much. He suddenly came back into my life. He gave me the strength to admit that both my marriage and the other relationship were wrong. I ended both of them.

“Since being in my new relationship, I have had time to reflect on my experience. My affair was wrong, but it was the result of a bad relationship. I don’t think the label of cheater is appropriate for me.

“I would never dream of cheating in my new relationship. This man fulfills all my needs. Cheating is based on circumstances, not a flaw in a person. Just because I did it once, doesn’t mean it will happen again.”

Elizabeth: “I believe there are people who cheat and there are pathological cheaters. I dated a chronic cheater for three years.

“When James and I started dating, I knew he was seeing Gloria, but he said he heard Gloria had been caught by her father having sex with a man she was dating. A week later, a friend told me it was James who was caught with Gloria. I left him and stood my ground for a few weeks, but started seeing him again. We would constantly break up and get back together. Then he had a new girlfriend, Diane. He would see her and me, too. Once he told me that Diane had walked in on him while he was with Gloria.

“I think he’s afraid of being alone.”

Patricia: “When I met my husband, he had just separated from him wife of five years and had also just ended a two-year affair with a married woman. He told me he and his wife had both had affairs during their marriage, including ones weeks before their wedding.

“Naturally, I thought he had all his wandering out of his system when I married him. After all, we were really in love and had so much in common. And most importantly, we had an excellent sex life. There was no need for an affair, right?

“Well, after 10 years of marriage, we got divorced.

“I know about the last affair and he admitted to another one five years into our marriage. I assume there were others. Once a cheater, always a cheater.”