They Should Contain Themselves
Dear Miss Manners: At a convention or public meeting, when an individual is introduced and the audience stands and applauds, what should the immediate family members of this person do?
Stand? Applaud? What?
Does the position of the person being introduced (i.e., president, congressman, preacher) make a difference? ,
Gentle Reader: Wives or husbands should keep their seats while beaming proudly and smiling adoringly and clasping their hands as if to keep from clapping. Children should enthusiastically leap to their feet and then sit down again as if they were embarrassed at being carried away.
Miss Manners realizes that an argument can be made in the case of officials that family members are citizens, too, who could show their respect for the office aside from their personal feelings. And that nonofficials have earned the professional, as well as personal, respect of their very own families.
Nevertheless, the family is prominently featured on such occasions because they share in the glory. Adding to the glory in which one then basks is not quite attractive, however understandable.
Dear Miss Manners: A couple we have known for years called and said, “We are taking you out to dinner. Which restaurant do you prefer?” My husband and I didn’t care for either place they then named, but we figured if they’re paying, it’s their choice.
After a meal that seemed to be comprised of industrial waste, the waiter presented the check to the husband who gave it to his wife, who then said to me, “Your half is $55 if we divide it in half.”
We hadn’t been expecting to be hit up for half the check and did not have the cash. I told our alleged hostess to give me her half in cash and I’d put the entire check on a credit card. She appeared miffed and said we’d earn extra frequent-flyer miles at her expense.
What is the proper reaction to such an unsavory display of bad manners?
Gentle Reader: Miss Manners suggests you take your frequent-flyer miles and use them to escape from these people. It’s not that they muddled their invitation. There is plenty of confusion these days between entertaining at restaurants and merely offering to meet at restaurants. But “We are taking you out to dinner” is not ambiguous. These people clearly stated that they were taking you out to dinner, and then didn’t.
Worse, they attacked your morals. Accusing friends of greed and fraud strikes Miss Manners as an even worse violation of friendship than stiffing them.
Miss Manners hopes you did not pretend to be amused at this insult. You should merely have said quietly, “I’m sorry, but I misunderstood you when you asked if you could take us out to dinner, and this is the only way I can cover the bill.”
Dear Miss Manners: I received a set of eight individual butter-pat plates (silver-plated, 2-7/8 inches in diameter) as a gift. Would you please advise me on how to use them correctly? At breakfast? Luncheon? With or without bread plates and butter knives?
Gentle Reader: Because she shares your delight in cluttering her table with old-fashioned oddities others have forgotten, Miss Manners is delighted that you will put this present to good use. She is also sorry to tell you that you cannot put them on the same table as bread-and-butter plates, but enough is enough.
Bread and butter are not served at formal dinners, but they are at formal luncheons, where they would be charming with, if you want to keep collecting, their own tiny butter knives. Technically, they need not be banned from breakfast or informal dinners.
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate