A Lesson In Family Values
My mother-in-law loves cooking for a crowd. She gathers people from who knows where just for the pleasure of feeding them. That’s how I met Tia, a Native American who subsists on welfare.
It was a Sunday at my mother-in-law’s house, and Tia’s kids lined up along the couch like crows on a fence. Tia was standing quietly by herself; I went up and began talking to her.
She exudes a quiet self-assurance, a look-you-square-in-the-eye pride which wasn’t what I expected from a welfare mom. She aroused my curiosity. I wanted to learn more about her.
Tia never got past sixth grade, but, she vows, her five children will graduate from high school. None will need welfare to survive. I was inclined to believe her.
Her kids sport secondhand but fastidiously clean clothes, neatly brushed hair and behavior that would satisfy Miss Manners.
Tia lives in a cramped mobile home in a dismal North Idaho trailer park. Noisy, crowded, with wall-to-wall furniture - hers is one of those laughter-filled homes that’s easy to enter but hard to leave.
There’s a now-you-see-him-now-you-don’t boyfriend Tia may marry once she’s convinced he will be a good father.
Reluctantly, she describes her past reservation life, her extremely abusive father, her alcoholic mother and her own marriage at 15 to an equally abusive husband.
I shudder at the horror she describes. She shrugs. “That’s all behind me. I only look ahead.”
Wise advice for anyone.
Tia views herself a success. Success? She lives on welfare. She’s overrun with kids and all their pets. She doesn’t have a paying job.
Success? Maybe not by the yardstick most of us use, but if success is measured by the distance we’ve had to travel to get to where we stand today, then Tia is a success.
Tia wasn’t a close friend, just someone I met, got to know a little better and came away the better for it.
She apparently has left the area, and I never really got a chance to thank her for what she gave me. She’s a rather remarkable young woman whom I’ll always remember fondly.
MEMO: “Your turn” is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a “Your turn” column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write “Your turn,” The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane 99210-1615.