Ford: The Joke Was It Meant Fix Or Repair Daily
Inspired by Ford’s recall of cars with faulty ignition switches, David Letterman’s staff took a look at the company’s Top 10 new slogans, which include:
10. Where there’s smoke, there’s a Ford.
9. Have you driven a Ford to the fire station lately?
8. Forget Chevy - we’ve got the real Blazer!
7. Available in original or extra crispy.
6. Now every Bronco is as exciting as O.J.’s!
5. Ford, the Unabomber of the highways.
4. Quality is Job One, putting out the fire is Job Two.
3. Like a rock - a rock of hot, molten lava.
2. Aren’t you tired of cops who stop you for speeding and ask, “Where’s the fire?”
1. Click… vroom… kaboom!
Loose talk
LL Cool J on life (to a high school class in Jackson, Miss.): “You don’t want to cloud yourself with drugs. You don’t want to cloud yourself with envy. I want you to understand the importance of education.”
Say, isn’t he the guy who does those Chevy commercials?
Bob Seger turns 51 today.
The answer: Mr. Barba’s geometry class, fifth period
Still unsure about the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Former KGB chief Leonid Sherarshin is shopping his memoir to publishers. He promises new insights on the Kennedy hit.
Question is, which one will close first
The quote: “What a momentous week - two Lloyd Webber productions.” The speaker: Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber. The impetus: He was referring to the opening of his new musical “Jeeves!” and the birth of his third child to wife Madeleine Lloyd Webber.
Kind of contradicts the notion gift, doesn’t it?
For his 50th birthday party, Sweden’s King Carl XVI Gustaf received more than 1,200 gifts from both subjects and foreign dignitaries. Now comes word that the monarch will have to pay income taxes on any gift worth more than $1,200. “King or not - expensive presents can also be expensive for the recipient,” a Stockholm newspaper reported.
So, do you want Prozac on that large popcorn, then?
In a study of bleak-themed movies, which is aptly titled “Prozac Cinema,” Movieline magazine writer Michael Atkinson suggests that we are all the victims of a movie-industry conspiracy. “I submit that the overwhelmingly despairing, depressing, dingy movies with which innocent moviegoers are being flooded these days have in fact been financed by a secret cabal of pharmaceutical companies,” he writes.
Some five-, six- and seven-letter words offend people, too
Author Judith Krantz says she’s toned down descriptions in her sex scenes. As she told Entertainment Weekly, “I discovered - when I was doing the book tour for ‘Scruples’ and I was being beaten over the head regularly on every television show - that there are certain four-letter words that really offend people.”
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color Photos
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster