For Some, A Solo Act Plays Well

For tennis, you need a partner. You need a partner for chess. You need a partner to spot you if you’re lifting weights. If you’re starting a business, a partner can be useful. But in life? Is a partner necessary for happiness?

Here’s what you had to say.

Laura: “Most of the time I’m very happy without a partner. I’ve gotten over the ‘lost without a partner’ stage and learned to grow up on my own. I’m together, so if I do meet someone I like, I’m independent, with confidence in myself. In other words, a decent partner, not the clinging vine I formerly had been. However, there are days when it would really be great to have someone to hold me and be strong for me.

Juan: “One can be happy, very happy, without a partner. Sharing my home with someone would be an absolute nightmare. I just want to be alone, enjoying peace, tranquility and delightful solitude. At the end of a busy day, I think of women as gazelles, beautiful, enigmatic, exciting, a pleasure to look at, of course, but do you really want them romping in your living room?”

Shelley: “I was abused as a child, so I have some fundamental trust issues which make relationships difficult. I have felt that partners crowded my space and robbed me of my identity. I’ve felt warm hugs turn into iron bars. Freedom is good. Being single means no more dinner anxiety or arguing. Sure there’s no sex, but you get used to that, just like you get used to simple meals. I’m not the only single person out there. There are a lot of us doing our laundry and grocery shopping on Saturday nights.

“Some people don’t know how to be, let alone be happy. I stopped being a ‘human doing’ and have become a ‘human being,’ learning to be happy for who I am and what I have. What the moment brings gets my attention. Be here now. I am accountable, only to myself. I have more time to work on myself. I know I’m not perfect and what a relief it is to stop trying to be. I am happy with myself. I have peace inside. I may not have a partner, but I do have friends. I have pets and plants. I enjoy watching the waves roll in on the beach at sunset. I make toe pictures in the sand. We may not be here a long time, so let’s have a good time while we are, alone or with a partner.”

Millie: “I’m a single lady in my late 50s, never married and now retired. I lead a full life. I have a strong faith, a small dog, friends and the means to live comfortably. Many interests keep me active and alert. I volunteer at church, play hand bells, am involved with a drama group, work as secretary of my homeowner’s association, substitute teach (How great to be amidst that youth and energy!), entertain and travel. And I’m glad to come home at night to a quiet house. I miss having a partner, now and then, but I have had the dating life, a terrific love life, I have lived abroad, and have had many wonderful experiences to draw on. I don’t dwell on what cannot be. Someone who is wiser than I once said, ‘It is better to be alone and wish you weren’t than not to be and wish you were.”’

Jeff: “I’m a single 40-year-old male. After many unsatisfactory, even disastrous relationships in my 20s and 30s, I’m in no rush to enter into another. I have a full and complete life. I am blessed with good health, a job I really like, a small circle of friends, family I really get along with, including my parents, nieces and nephews. I don’t know that my friends, on their second and third marriages, holding down multiple jobs, paying mortgages, are any happier than I am. I believe if I find someone, or someone finds me, great; if not, I’ll survive.”

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