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But what’s his urned run average?

In an article on the American way of death, Forbes magazine reports that Pebble Beach will accommodate those who wish to have their remains scattered on the golf course except during tee times.

Less obliging is Chicago’s Wrigley Field, which hustled out one loving son after he dumped his father’s ashes on the warning track during a game. The fan was removed, but the ashes are there to stay.

Giving the Cubs one dead outfielder and three who just play like they are.

Is this what they mean by “makeup game?”

Thanks to Jim Leyland turning down the job, Terry Bevington was brought back to manage the Chicago White Sox under a new two-year contract. So now that he’s back, how do the White Sox improve Bevington’s image with his own players and fans?

The Chicago Sun-Times recently sought answers from a panel of marketing professionals, advertising executives and even hair and makeup artists. Suggestions included Bevington wearing stylish suits to and from the ballpark, taking public-relations courses, even scheduling regular pedicures to ease his apparent stress. Then there was the aroma factor.

“He could use a little men’s fragrance,” advised cosmetics expert Marilyn Miglin. “Napoleon and Caesar went into battle with fragrances. It creates a magical aura around them. And I could put blush and lip gloss on him, but I don’t think that would work.”

Hey, it works for Dennis Rodman.

Called for traveling

The Internal Revenue Service has summoned a group of NBA referees to Washington for a meeting regarding possible tax evasion charges.

The refs are being investigated for exchanging their first-class airplane tickets for coach seats, pocketing the difference and not reporting the extra cash on their tax returns. The violations apparently caught the IRS’ attention when the wife of a referee going through a divorce divulged the practice.

More fallout from ‘The First Wives Club,’ no doubt.

Hoo-hah!

Looking for a good read? Well, Los Angeles Daily News media critic Tom Hoffarth suggests you stay away from “The Babe in Boyland,” by Nanci Donnellan (aka The Fabulous Sports Babe).

“I’m pulling for the ESPN Radio/ESPN2 personality to succeed in the male-dominant sports radio business,” Hoffarth wrote. “But this piece of foul-mouthed garbage will probably set her back a few decades. She suffocates herself and the readers in a self-congratulatory, condescending Andrew Dice Babe barrage, like a bad comic who leans on four-letter words because she’s got nothing else to say.

“The Blob’s most damning window to her soul is when she describes a radio stunt she tried to pull in Tampa, Fla., where she wanted to drum up interest in a major-league baseball team for the area: ‘Then out of the blue, Bart Giamatti died. I was stunned. This guy has got to die on me right in the middle of my biggest promotion ever?’

“And now you know where Marge Schott gets her material,” Hoffarth concluded.

The last word …

“Maybe I’ll jump off my bank book and commit suicide.”

- Howie Long, after Fox TV partner Terry Bradshaw needled him about charging for autographs

, DataTimes