The Slice New Child Illness: Location Blindness

We’ve heard about kids who tried to get out of school by claiming they had a headache in their stomach, that their hair hurt and so on.

But one excuse tops them all. “When my daughter, Jennifer Renggli, was 10, she called me at work to come and get her at school right away,” wrote Spokane’s Jane Olk. “The reason? She had suddenly GONE BLIND.”

Not to worry. Soon after leaving school, she made a miracle recovery.

The case for talking about your job before a classroom of school kids: “Jodie, my college-age daughter, popped in at home after the first day on a new job overflowing with a gratifying tale,” wrote Spokane’s Niki Anderson. “She and her new co-worker realized they had been classmates in grade school. They hadn’t seen one another for nine years. In the middle of exchanging memories of teachers and boys, Jodie’s old friend inquired, ‘How’s your mother?’ Not a common question between 20-year-olds.

“Her friend recalled, ‘I remember when your mom came to school in fourth grade and talked about her work in Africa, and told us she stood on the equator. I was so impressed. I’ll never forget it.”’

Anderson, who had been a missionary, remembers, too. One kid, confusing his continents, had asked if a tiger ever chased her.

“Who knows whether a child will choose a life direction because you sacrificed part of a day to tell about your occupation,” she wrote.

Mixed returns: Readers disagreed about whether Spokane has a higher percentage of jerks than the national average. “Jerks don’t have enough sense to stay,” wrote one woman.

Others argued that one need only drive a car to arrive at an answer that does not flatter the Lilac City.

Hmmm. We suspect there are inconsiderate motorists everywhere - even if not every city requires a remedial “Stop for red” campaign.

But one reader suggested Spokane has more than its share of people angry at the world because they made lousy wages for decades. And, the theory goes, they vent hostility in countless impotent but annoying ways.

Of course, a lot of us are jerks once in a while. And that makes a city’s j-quotient impossible to determine.

But here’s our guess. National jerk percentage: 16. Spokane area percentage: 14.

Today’s Slice question: In the Inland Northwest, if you went around yanking down men’s pants, would you discover more boxers or briefs?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. The South has better night noise than the Northwest.