Cheap Seats
Just call him ‘the Count’
Orioles pitcher Jimmy Key got to throw a rare complete game last week, but only because teammate Scott Erickson, who was charting pitches, had Key at 95 pitches after eight innings instead of 105.
“Obviously,” manager Davey Johnson said of Erickson, “his heart wasn’t in it.”
Just as obviously, he’s out of his depth at math after “one is for fastball, two is for curve.”
Selling the sizzle and not the soccer
John Harkes tries to train seals. Alexi Lalas breaks cement blocks with his skull. And Roy Lassiter kicks out the lights.
Confident it established itself in its 10 member cities in 1996, Major League Soccer has embarked on a $5 million “MLS: This Stuff Kicks” ad campaign and marketing effort to spread its name nationwide.
In his ad, Harkes instructs seals by bouncing a ball on his head. He then asks the animals to try it with their feet … er, flippers. Unable to keep up with the D.C. United captain, the seals waddle off with Harkes running after them: “Hey guys, where are you going?”
Lassiter’s commercial takes its theme from the 1984 baseball movie, “The Natural.” Walking off the field, teammate Cle Kooiman asks Lassiter to “get the lights.” Lassiter spins and fires a ball into the light tower, sending sparks everywhere and causing a blackout. “Thanks, Roy,” Kooiman says.
The MLS commercials go hand-in-hand with another campaign by ESPN, which have comedian Michael McKeon dressed as the Queen of England, “the official spokeswoman of Major League Soccer.”
But it all started with an ad in USA Today featuring one player from each of the 10 clubs with the headline: “Some heroes have masks: some heroes have capes; some heroes have balls.”
Guess that leaves out Josias Manzanillo.
Roll model
Miami Heat forward P.J. Brown, one of three finalists for the NBA’s J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award, didn’t help his candidacy by being ejected from a game for wrestling with the Nets’ Xavier McDaniel.
“He slammed me to the floor,” the X-man said. “That’s why I’m so hot. I’m supposed to slam people to the floor.”
He really wants to talk the talk
Ottawa Senators defenseman Frank Musil, a 32-year-old native of the Czech Republic, speaks four languages and doesn’t let a word go unread in his presence, no matter the subject.
“It could be about sick dogs in Africa,” teammate Radek Bonk said. “He reads everything in the paper, from the first letter to the last letter.”
Musil collects information because “if I can’t get into conversations, I don’t feel good. I like to know when someone talks about something, whether it’s in Oklahoma or Australia, or whether it’s entertainment, business, or whatever, I can talk about it.”
Olly olly oxen free
If he ever plays, Toronto’s Felipe Crespo will be this year’s winner of the Last Guy to Get in a Game award. But the good news is, the award finally has a name. Newsday’s Marty Noble has dubbed it the “A-trophy.”
The last word …
“Ron Karkovice’s home-run trot needs a little work. He circles the bases like he’s trying not to step in something, an apology in motion.”
- Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome
, DataTimes