Authorities Take Tough Approach

Dear Ann Landers: Please give me a chance to warn those who think they are helping an addict when they say, “Don’t do it!” It will only encourage the addict to hide his addiction.

If you want to help addicts, don’t lend them money, wash their clothes, dry their tears, write them letters or invite them into your home. Don’t let them use your phone, your car, your shower or your bed. Don’t listen to or advise them or give them articles to read.

Don’t think you can be their best friend. Only a professional can help them. What you think is “help” may only make them worse. Addicts are master manipulators, more seductive than the drugs they’re hooked on, and their word (with a hand on the Bible) doesn’t mean a thing. They have no conscience. They are liars.

I have learned a lot from attending more than 40 Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings in five cities. The faces are different, but the stories are the same. The more you involve yourself with addicts, the more misery and devastation you will suffer, and you won’t help the addicts one damn bit. You need Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. I know because I have - Been There and Done That in Clayton, Calif.

Dear Been There: The authorities in the field of drug abuse agree with your tough approach. It’s awfully hard, however, to stand by and watch someone you care about destroy himself or herself and not try to help. That’s why programs such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, for families and friends of addicts, are so important.

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in response to the letter from the mother of triplets and a 6-month-old who was sick and tired of rude comments from strangers. Relentless commentary is a problem for all women.

If a woman has no children, she hears, “When are you having kids? Why aren’t you having any? I can’t imagine life without mine.” If a woman has one child, she hears, “When are you going to have a little brother or sister for your baby? You don’t want her to be lonely, do you?”

If a woman has several children close in age, she gets crude remarks about her overly active sex life, her husband’s hormonal output or pity for her domestic workload. In other words, women can’t win. People who are asked personal questions by insensitive clods need never feel obligated to respond. Your long-ago line, “Why would YOU be interested in THAT?” is the perfect rejoinder. - Denver

Dear Denver: Thanks for suggesting that one of the basic Ann Landers responses be invoked when ignoramuses ask nun-uv-yer-bizzness-type questions. You are absolutely right.

Dear Ann Landers: Here’s a suggestion for that healthy co-worker who complained about people coming to work with colds, flu and strep throat, even though the company has sick-leave benefits.

Keep a surgical mask in the desk drawer, and when a “sickie” comes to work, put it on. Urge your co-workers to do the same. As an added bonus, have a can of anti-bacterial spray handy and be sure to use it conspicuously on every surface the “sickie” touches. Even a dim-witted idiot will get the message. - Bob in Dallas

Dear Bob: Beautiful. If anyone reads this and tries it, let me know if it worked.

xxxx