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Aints no more

The New Orleans Saints cheerleaders have never had much to cheer about. Now, the 16-member squad has nothing to cheer about. They’ve been fired.

“We’ve been with them through thick and thin, and Lord knows there’s been a lot more thin than thick,” said cheerleading director Darlene Bonis. “I was on the original squad. This would have been my 31st year.”

Cheerleaders get $10 and two tickets when they appear at a game.

“And we all know what the tickets have been worth,” cheerleading captain Sal Bertolino said.

The cheerleaders have occupied one corner of the field with Saintsations dance team taking the other three. Now, the dancers will have all four corners, with 40 dancers instead of 36.

The men and women on the squad recently received letters from the Saints organization welcoming them to cheerleader tryouts May 3.

“This move to get rid of us couldn’t have been thought out, or why would it be happening two weeks before tryouts?” Bonis said.

Because it’s the Saints, Darlene. Or haven’t you figured that out in 31 years?

But who picked up the room service bill?

Since there’s a record for just about everything these days, we’re pretty sure new Angels reliever Rich DeLucia just set one:

Most convenient trade in baseball history.

Earlier this month, DeLucia woke up in New York’s Grand Hyatt Hotel, still a member of the San Francisco Giants. Then the phone rang, and he was told he’d just been traded, for a player to be named later, to the Anaheim Angels.

Luckily, those Angels were staying nearby: In the very same Grand Hyatt Hotel. They were in town to start a series with the Yankees, while the Giants were finishing with the Mets.

“I’ve been in baseball 16 years,” the Giants’ assistant general manager, Ned Colletti, said. “And this was the first time in 16 years I’ve ever had a guy traded from one rooming list to another.

“The bellman played a key role in the deal.”

Then again, he didn’t - DeLucia never even changed rooms. He just changed computer printouts.

“I’d say the key to the deal,” said Angels GM Bill Bavasi, “is when we decided to split the Hyatt points.”

Spare the rod, spoil the …

Putter giving you a hard time? Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle knows the feeling.

“While I don’t encourage club abuse,” he wrote, “tough-love discipline can be effective. Back in the ‘40s, a top touring pro named Ky Lafoon (true name, true story) missed an easy putt on the final hole.

“So he tied one end of a rope around his car’s rear bumper and the other end around his putter and drove to the next tournament.”

Baseball could use an altitude adjustment

Randy Newman, composer of such masterpieces as “Short People (Got No Reason to Live),” appeared recently on National Public Radio and was asked how he would speed up baseball games.

Said Newman: “I’d lower Denver.”

The last word …

“During a lecture somewhere, Johnnie Cochran said he wants students to know that the law is an effective tool for change. Then he explained how he used the law to change a murderer into a golfer.”

- Conan O’Brien

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo