Readers Tell About Cheating Hearts

Sat., Jan. 4, 1997

A A marriage can survive without great sex, without financial stability, without common interests. One ingredient, however, is essential.

Joanne: “I’ve been married for 24 years. I had the perfect marriage. And then I found six years of love letters, cards, pictures and gifts between my husband and his girlfriend. Every day they wrote each other and expressed their love and shared every thought and experience. So, actually, I’ve been on every trip, at every motel and on every beach. Every day I wonder why this happened. I have never received an answer. A lot of good years and trust have been ruined and I’ve been ruined emotionally, mentally and physically.”

John: “I became privy to the utmost details of my wife’s extramarital affairs with men whom I knew either professionally or socially. This devastated me. When I looked into the mirror I saw a loving husband. Looking around I saw two teen-age children living an upscale lifestyle in a lovely home. After considerable communication and counseling, my wife and I now share our most intimate thoughts and feelings we previously did not know how to convey.”

Shelley: “Three months ago, after 16 years of marriage, I suspected my husband was betraying my trust. I confronted him and he got very angry. I had the audacity to question him. He wanted to know how I could not know him well enough to know he wouldn’t do such a thing. Well, my question was, how could a man who didn’t have the energy to get off the sofa to go out for dinner, stay out three nights in one week until after 3 a.m. supposedly on a job-related assignment? Then his car phone bill came and I opened it. There were 21 calls to the person I suspected he was seeing. I heard three different stories regarding the reasons for the calls. My husband moved out shortly after I confronted him. He never did explain. Supposedly, he was just angry because he had been accused. We have spoken very little in the last three months and he has given no indication that he wants to come back. As to whether I could trust him again, that would depend on him. I don’t want someone to grovel, but I have invested 16 years of my life in him and he has never done this before. This has upset the whole family and if I felt he cared enough about me to try and work things out, I would give him the chance.”

Lydia: “After seven months of marriage, my husband cheated on me. We dated for a year and a half before we were married. I never thought he would betray me. I told him from day one, if he ever wanted someone else, to tell me and I would let him go. I would have and I did. The girl he cheated with worked with us. She was also a friend, I thought. Maybe I can trust again, probably, possibly. I’m a very forgiving person. I’m now going through a divorce and I’m picking up the pieces of my life. I know Mr. Right is out there, but I don’t know if I’ll trust him if I meet him.”

Lorna: “Jack and I dated in 1988 and during the courtship, I found out that all the wonderful things he told me about himself were lies to win me over. They worked. But it didn’t matter because he was a good guy and I loved him. Well, after seven years of cheating, I married him anyway because I could never prove any of it. After six and a half months of marriage, I found out he had not given up his singles life. I woke up and divorced him. It was traumatic for me and our child, but we got over it and managed to stay friends. That was two years ago. Through communication, counseling and prayer, we have reconciled. For some reason, I trust him, but I learned the hard way: No trust, no relationship”

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