Cheap Seats

Have a yabba-dabba-do team

Rob Parker of Newsday reasons that the New York Giants didn’t go far enough when they fired coach Dan Reeves. Parker thinks the game has passed by general manager George Young, whom he calls “Fred Flintstone with a better car.”

Got milk?

Olympic swimming star Amy Van Dyken has received an apology from a University of Colorado chancellor for a news release that attacked her for canceling a scheduled appearance.

The release, authored by Nan Flynn-Butler, criticized the four-time gold medalist for backing out of a commitment to serve as honorary chairwoman of the CU Health Sciences Center’s Winterfest Ball.

“We wonder,” it read, “if this ‘Woman Athlete of the Year’ should have milk on her face in the new advertising campaigns or, may we suggest, EGG ON HER FACE??”

In November, according to the release, CU purchased the rights to Van Dyken’s picture for use on invitations and paid for a portrait of Van Dyken, which was to be auctioned.

Van Dyken’s spokeswoman, Janie Miller, said the swimmer had decided to resume her career at a meet in Indianapolis Jan. 25-26 - a conflict with the fund-raiser.

“She went out of her way to apologize,” said Miller. “She agreed to do whatever she could. I’ve worked with many athletes who’ve backed out of events on a whim, who couldn’t care less. She did all she could to make up for this. It was her good nature to accept in the first place.”

Flynn-Butler leveled one last volley at Van Dyken in the final sentence of the press release: “We will still be honoring the four lung transplant patients who received medals in the 1996 Transplant Games in Utah last August - they are and will always be the true heroes!”

Misinformation Please

The 1997 Information Please Sports Almanac lists the site of Super Bowl XXXIV, on Jan. 23, 2000, as “Hollywood Park, Los Angeles” - where, of course, there is no football stadium, though conceivably a game could be played on the infield of the racetrack.

Should have trimmed out that line of type with an exacta knife.

Next on the tee, the Pennybags foursome

It’s too late for Christmas, but keep it in mind for next Yule. For the golfer who has everything, now there’s a golf edition of Monopoly. And, no, you don’t land in a bunker instead of going to jail.

Players try to buy tournaments, golf courses and resorts and charge their opponents for playing - make that landing - on your real estate.

And just before you pass go and collect $200 in greens fees, you can buy Pebble Beach and Pinehurst.

Does that make Ezzy the Golf Monopoly equivalent of Baltic Avenue?

Isn’t that missing the point?

If your karma needs adjustment, you might want to tune to coach Phil Jackson’s weekly radio show the next time you’re in Chicago. It’s called Zen Talk.

The last word …

“According to a new sports survey, the most-used name for college football teams is ‘Tigers.’ Anybody know the least-used name for college football? ‘Graduates.”’ - Jay Leno

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo