Dating On The Level Relationships Progress In Definable Stages

Would you invite the person you’re dating to a great party with you _ or would you rather go alone?

Would you ever offer your date a ride to the airport at the crack of dawn?

The answers to these questions may tell you which stage your relationship is in. Like all passages of life, dating has its own stages, and it’s good to know where your relationship ranks.

For example, if the person you’re seeing takes a trip out of town and doesn’t tell you, you’d probably be pretty upset if you’re at an advanced level - but you’d sound like a clinging lunatic if you raised a fuss at a much lower level.

But how do you know? Since most of us don’t keep charts and graphs of dating milestones, we have to trust our judgment and communication skills. Problem: How many single people do you know with either judgment or communication skills? Exactly!

So, here’s my guide to the stages of relationships.

Level One: This is the Browsing stage. Your date is like a jacket on a sale rack you try on once in a while; you like the way it looks and feels, but you’re still undecided. You and your date are getting to know each other. You’ve only been out a few times, and you’re still on your best behavior. Some indications you’re still at Level One:

You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom on a dinner date, and realize you’ve had a chunk of broccoli stuck between your front teeth since the main course. Your date never said a word.

You spend two or more hours cleaning your house prior to your date’s arrival.

Everywhere you go, your friend introduces you as her “friend” or “buddy.” Once, she tells some stud you’re her out-of-state cousin.

Level Two: This is the Layaway stage. You like the item, you think you want it, you’ve made an initial investment, but you don’t think you can quite afford to take it home yet.

You’ve been dating a couple of months now, or longer. This is when exclusivity issues begin cropping up, even though the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” may not yet have been uttered. Can be a dicey time, full of uncertainities. For example:

You have been invited to a trendy party with plenty of models. You think about it for a half-minute, then, of course, you go alone. Or: You bring the person you’re dating but manage to lose her during the party. (Hey, you never know who you’ll meet!)

The person you’re dating invites you to escort him to his best friend’s wedding. You will not know anyone else there, you would have to buy new clothes, and you would rather die.

(Tip: A wedding date is one of those Obligatory Dates, like a family dinner, so if you’re not excited about the invitation, you’re probably not at the wedding-date stage yet.)

You see your date without makeup, or stinking to high heaven, for the first time. You are horrified, but make no remark.

Your date brings her 10-year-old son with her when you go to the movies, and you resent it. (Sure…Love Me, Love My Kid, but not at this stage of dating. Kid bonding comes later.)

Level Three: This is the Rent-to-Own stage. You’ve crossed the threshold into a big-R Relationship. Now, after dating several months, the major challenge is how to prevent familiarity from breeding contempt. Clues:

One of you says “I love you” and the other says “I love you, too” instead of responding with dead silence and suddenly dodging phone calls.

You’re hearing more and more about your date’s past relationships, and you can relate to the things your date’s ex didn’t like.

You went to a McDonald’s drive-thru for lunch two days ago, and the bag is still crumpled on the passenger-side floor. You do not move it before your date gets into the car.

Your date has a 6:30 a.m. flight. You offer a ride to the airport.

Your date plays answering machine messages in your presence.

Level Four: Ta-da! This is the Purchase stage. Congratulations! Your partner is yours. Sometimes people reach this stage and don’t know it, even though you’ve been dating a year, or even several. Here are some signs that you and your partner are practically married:

Your partner’s relatives hit you up to borrow money, and you lend it to them.

You are as attached to your partner’s dog as you are to your partner. And vice versa.

You have been invited to a trendy party with plenty of models. You invite your partner, but you whine that you’d rather get take-out food and rent a video. You don’t understand what anyone sees in those trendy parties.

You like the way your partner smells after working up a sweat.

You can’t remember the last time you and your partner went on a date.

There is no way to avoid your partner’s best friend’s wedding. At the reception, everyone asks, “So, when are you two getting married?” Instead of wincing as if he’s been shot, your partner says, “Gee, we haven’t decided yet. Hon, what do you think?”

And you don’t have a heart attack on the spot.