Cheap Seats

The poor college athlete revisited

Just when we were starting to feel a little sorry for the exploited college athlete, we learn that every player in last week’s Atlantic Coast Conference basketball tournament was given a combination TV-VCR.

The NCAA said leagues are permitted to reward participants in conference championship events with gifts worth up to $300. The News & Observer of Raleigh reported the ACC allocated 25 gifts to each of the nine teams. The 225 units were distributed at an estimated cost of $67,500 - not just to players, but to coaches, managers, trainers, athletic directors, faculty athletic reps and school presidents.

Oh, well, we’re sure the same gifts get given out at the ACC choral festival.

Stop us if you’ve heard this one

A man reportedly called the Detroit Lions offices last week and asked to speak to Wayne Fontes.

“I’m sorry,” the receptionist said, “Wayne Fontes doesn’t coach here anymore.”

Next day, same call - and same answer.

Third day, another call - and the same answer.

Finally, when the man called and asked the same question for a fourth day, the receptionist said, “Aren’t you the same person who called here the last two days?”

Yes, the man answered.

“Didn’t you hear me?” shouted the exasperated receptionist. “Wayne Fontes doesn’t work here anymore!” To which the man replied: “I know. I just like the way it sounds.”

What a distinctive pepperoni

The Eclipse Awards dinner, held last month at a resort hotel in Bal Harbour, Fla., was no place to eat like a horse.

Guests learned at the $250-a-plate dinner that food wouldn’t be served until after the lengthy awards presentations. So Gene Stevens, publisher of a racing newspaper, called a pizzeria and had a large pie delivered to his table. People at nearby tables were begging Stevens for slices.

Hey, they couldn’t cook the entree until they knew who the losers were.

Getting to know you

Joe Kleine, recently traded by the Lakers to New Jersey, didn’t get a chance before his first game with the Nets to meet coach John Calipari.

So when Kleine was sent into the game after Eric Montross got into foul trouble, Calipari gave Kleine a quick rundown of what to do.

“I got it,” Kleine said, adding, “By the way, coach, I’m Joe Kleine. Nice to meet you.”

Rent, don’t buy

Yankees rookie pitcher Eric Milton made an impression on general manager Bob Watson before throwing a pitch in spring training.

While walking through the clubhouse, Watson saw the Yankees logo tattooed on the back of Milton’s left shoulder.

“What will you do if you’re traded?” Watson asked the 1996 first-round draft pick.

And, hey, welcome to the organization.

The last word …

“After all those years, I felt I owed him the benefit of the doubt. It turns out he got all the benefit and I got the doubt.”

- Reds catcher Joe Oliver, whose salary has gone down every year, on why he didn’t fire his agent

, DataTimes