Keep A Distance, Then Wait And See

Dear Ann Landers: A little over a year ago, my sister-in-law introduced me to a friend of hers - a wonderful young woman who, like me, was single. Despite the differences in our ages and backgrounds, “Tina” and I shared great conversation, warmth and a growing friendship. I knew she wasn’t ready for anything more, but after a few months, I simply fell in love.

After several weeks and much discussion, Tina broke off our relationship, stating that she had to concentrate on graduate school and that she was too young to get serious with anyone. I respected her decision.

Over the next six months, I finally got over it. My work kept me very busy, and I had little time for regrets or foolish notions of contacting her again.

Recently, I had quite a shock. On my way to work, I saw Tina’s car parked in front of an apartment building not half a block from my own. I almost ran off the road. I later learned she had been living there for several weeks. I can’t believe that after I respected her decision to walk away from me, she moved a stone’s throw from my house. We’re bound to see each other sooner or later.

I don’t want to drag my family into all this, especially my sister-in-law, who feels unfairly placed in the middle because she introduced us. I had hoped to heal my broken heart and get on with my life, but now I’m in trouble. Should I attempt to contact Tina? Should I move out and find another place to live? Should I just ignore the situation and try to be polite when we eventually run into each other? Please help me noodle this out, Ann. - Renewed Heartache in St. Louis

Dear St. Louis: Under no circumstances should you attempt to contact Tina, nor should you move out of your apartment. If you run into her by chance, be politely cordial but not overly friendly.

Tina’s moving into your neighborhood may have nothing to do with you. If this assumption is incorrect, you will know it soon enough.

Dear Ann Landers: You advised “Grieving Mother” to report her parents’ neighbor, age 15, for sexually molesting her 5-year-old daughter. That was excellent advice. As a juvenile attorney in Connecticut, I see this sort of thing all the time. It is NOT a case of being a troublemaker, as her parents insisted. People who report molestation are doing everyone a favor, both society at large and the perpetrator.

Virtually every abuser was abused in some way. Many abusers end up in prison or on Death Row. They almost never stop. Reporting abuse is required of teachers and social workers, but it should be the responsibility of everyone.

People who “don’t interfere” are, in effect, aiding and abetting extremely serious crimes. You cannot know who the next victim will be. The admonition to mind your own business must give way to society’s safety.

“Grieving Mom,” as a responsible adult, must act. Her parents’ wishes are irrelevant. - Stafford Springs, Conn.

Dear S.S. Conn.: You have written an extremely important letter. People must be told over and over again that molesters rarely stop molesting. They must be apprehended, identified, dealt with through the justice system and kept under surveillance after their time is served. To assume they have been “cured” is a mistake. Thank you for an opportunity to repeat this advice.

Gem of the Day: Nothing is as helpful to an ignorant man as silence, and if he knows this, he is not so ignorant.