Cheap Seats
What has that buffoon done now?
Daniel Lima has it figured out. He wants a golf course to pay him for being a bad golfer.
Lima was hit in the nose when his shot hit a yardage marker 10 feet away and ricocheted back at him last spring at the Minnichaug Golf Course in Connecticut.
He filed a lawsuit seeking more than $15,000 in damages. His wife is also a plaintiff, seeking damages because her husband’s injury has caused her “mental and emotional anguish” and has forced the couple to curtail unspecified family leisure-time activities.
Lima contends the marker post was “a dangerous condition.”
The same might be said of the justice system.
He specializes in extracting wisdom teeth
The University of Pittsburgh has announced it is retiring the numbers of three of the school’s most prominent football players: No. 42 Marshall Goldberg, No. 89 Mike Ditka and No. 65 Joe Schmidt.
Ditka recalled that he was recruited by Joe Paterno at Penn State but was talked into playing for the Panthers because of Pitt’s dental school. He wanted to become a dentist.
Of course, he became a coach instead. And Goldberg couldn’t resist making this comment to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
“How would you like to be in a dentist’s chair and have Ditka come in upset about something?”
Better to have his hand in your mouth than your hand in his mouth.
Hootie wasn’t the only one singing
Former Idaho State football player Brian DeCato has been placed on probation for a year and fined $910 for calling in a false report of a bomb at Holt Arena the night of a Hootie and the Blowfish concert last November.
DeCato, 18, was accused of using a two-way radio stolen from a security guard’s desk to make the call.
Part of his fine - $410 - is to reimburse the university for the reward it paid DeCato’s roommate for providing information leading to the arrest.
It’s the friends you make in college you’ll remember forever.
Philanthropy isn’t everything, it’s the only thing
A man who was cut from Fordham’s freshman football squad by coach Vince Lombardi has contributed $10 million to the college’s new library, which will be named in his honor.
And just to show there are no hard feelings, William D. Walsh, now a California businessman, threw in $500,000 for an athletic training center.
“There’s plenty you do well, but football is not one of them,” Walsh said Lombardi told him when he kicked him off the freshman team in 1947.
The coach - who led the Green Bay Packers to five NFL titles in the 1960s - was proved right, as Walsh made his fortune as a venture capitalist.
Just a theory
From the Boston Globe’s Bob Ryan: “It’s 1966. Red (Auerbach) is retiring. He figures (Bill) Russell will play only for Russell, so he names Russell player-coach. Suppose it’s 1997. Phil Jackson says he’s outta here. Michael Jordan says he won’t play for anyone else. See where this is heading?”
The last word …
“They say Dean Smith’s former players consult him on every little thing, but that’s obviously not the case with Sam Perkins and his hair.”
- San Jose Mercury News columnist Bud Geracie
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo