Sane Comments Most Appreciated

Dear Ann Landers: I just read your column about the do’s and don’ts when conversing with pregnant women. How about the do’s and don’ts when talking with an infertile couple?

Don’t say:

Just relax. You are trying too hard.

Don’t think about it so much.

Go away on vacation.

Get drunk.

Adopt, and then you’ll get pregnant.

I assure you, Ann, all these things are very hurtful and not helpful. There is no scientific evidence that relaxing will make sperm swim any faster.

Do say:

I hope the best for you two. You will be wonderful parents.

My prayers are with you.

Here are some facts: There are only two or three days a month that a woman can conceive. The vacation may not be scheduled during ovulation. When you want desperately to have a baby, you can’t help but think about it a lot, especially when you are going through infertility treatments. Hot tubs can reduce sperm count for up to three months. Adopting doesn’t mean you will get pregnant, and it is not necessarily the answer for many couples.

If you doubt my facts, talk to a reproductive endocrinologist. They specialize in fertility. Even if your gynecologist tells you he or she knows all about infertility, it may not be true. I would also like to recommend RESOLVE, a wonderful support group for infertile couples with local chapters around the country. - Broken-Hearted Couple in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Dear Couple: You’ve written a letter that is sure to be enormously helpful to a great many readers. Thank you for your sane and solid suggestions.

For those who want more information, send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to: RESOLVE, 1310 Broadway, Dept. AL, Somerville, Mass. 02144-1779 (www.resolve.org).

Dear Ann Landers: Here’s another one for your “how-we-met” file. I hope you can find room for it.

I was living in Scotland in August 1939 and visited a school friend in England. Within 10 minutes of my arrival, I was asked to help repair a faulty drain trap. I was lying on my back underneath the sink when someone entered the room. All I could see was a pair of long and lovely legs. When I scrambled out, disheveled and dirty, I found that the rest of my friend’s 15-year-old sister was equally attractive. We got along famously.

Not long after, I was in the Air Force. She and I wrote occasionally, even though we were 400 miles apart. I didn’t get back to England until 1946. I phoned her from the train station, and we arranged to meet at the top of the escalator. Only then did I wonder if I would recognize her. Suddenly, a beautiful young woman stepped off the escalator, threw her arms around me and gave me a more-than-friendly kiss.

We’ve been more than friends ever since. Recently, our five children and five grandchildren helped us celebrate our 49th wedding anniversary. - Contented in Canada

Dear Canada: Your letter was irresistible. I loved it. Happy anniversary, and please give my best to “Legs.”

Correction: The seventh warning signal that could mean cancer was left off the Oct. 30 Ann Landers column.

7. A nagging cough or hoarseness.