Suicide Clear Choice For Some

Dear Ann Landers: May I respond to “Anonymous in Missouri” who plans to commit suicide when she gets old so she won’t have to end her days in a nursing home? I’m sure she is not the only one who has thoughts like that.

Although most of us would like to go peacefully in our sleep, having been healthy and active right up to the end, that is not real life.

I have been a registered nurse for several years and have witnessed every type of death imaginable. I also have taken care of many botched suicide patients. The scene is not a pretty one. The angle of the gun was wrong, not enough pills were taken or somebody heard the car motor running and opened the garage door.

I also have taken care of many “dying” patients, several of whom surprised everyone by living another five years. And as for the forgetful or vegetative souls in nursing homes, it is sad, but I suspect it is frequently harder on us than on them.

I love life, my family and this earth. I have had many blessings and consider every new day a bonus, but I will cope with whatever comes when it comes and not waste time or energy worrying about it. - Another Ann

Dear Another Ann: The response to this subject has been incredible. Although I know my readers well, I never anticipated such an overwhelming avalanche of mail. One thing is certain - the vast majority do not have a very high opinion of nursing homes and dread the thought that some day they might have to live in one. My readers have also made it clear that they hate the thought of being a burden to their children. Keep reading for samples of the most revealing mail I have received in many years.

From Minnesota: I agree wholeheartedly with the letter from “Anonymous in Missouri,” who said she wanted a dignified exit from this earth and would commit suicide when she became old. My husband and I watched both his parents spend two years in a nursing home, tranquilized, totally out of it and incontinent. They hated every minute of their last years. Every time we visited, they would ask, “Why don’t they let me die?” My husband and I are saving sleeping pills. We will choose suicide.

Hallowell, Maine: Most of my friends who live in my apartment building are in their 70s and 80s. They do their housework, entertain relatives, flirt, fall in love, enjoy rowdy card games, baby-sit and travel all over the country. According to the 1990 U.S. Census, nine out of 10 women over 75 are not in nursing homes. Rather than planning our exits, we should develop those qualities in ourselves that will give us the courage to face the future.

East Haddam, Conn.: I have been a hospital volunteer for many years and have also visited several nursing homes. I am 76 years old and in good physical condition. When I feel I’m reaching the stage described in that powerful letter from “Anonymous in Missouri,” I hope and pray that a “Dr. Jack” will be available because that’s the route I shall take.

Oregon: I visited a friend in a nursing home when she was recuperating from a broken hip. The sights, sounds and smells were intolerable. My friend is quadriplegic with multiple sclerosis. She wears two bags for bodily elimination, and needs to be fed and bathed because she has no use of her limbs. Before I reach her state, I will do my “final exit.” Neither the legislature, the Supreme Court, the American Medical Association nor the Catholic Church has ownership over my body. The end of my life is a private matter, and no one has the right to make this decision for me.