On The Job No Place For Romance

In a world of gray - nothing quite right, nothing exactly wrong - there are still a few absolutes. Never wear checks with plaids, never drink red wine with tuna fish and never get involved with someone you work with. Now, of these three, which do you think is most often violated?

Pamela is about to get married. But before she sets a date she would like to clear up one little matter. It’s a loose string from her past that might unravel her future. It goes back 14 years to when she was in her early 20s working for an insurance company. She was a newlywed, in love, sort of, with her husband.

“Some parts of our marriage worried me, but I was not overly troubled by them. If I met a man who attracted me, I would ask myself, ‘Is he worth breaking up my marriage?’ The answer always quickly came back, no! Until I met Ken.

The same question flipped through my head, along with the same answer, but this time, not as quickly. Ken was bright, funny, sweet, good looking. I enjoyed seeing him. I was falling in love with him but didn’t care to admit it.”

A year later, Ken was hired by a company on the West Coast. Pamela hated to see him go. She wanted to tell him how she felt about him, but she didn’t feel she had the right. They were just friends. This would complicate everything.

“I had the feeling he was attracted to me but respected my marriage. I would have given everything I owned not to be married. I was in love with Ken and couldn’t tell anyone or do anything about it. I missed him terribly when he left.”

A couple of months later, Pamela learned that her husband didn’t take their wedding vows too seriously. He was having an affair. That was all Pamela needed to hear. She called Ken. She called him several times over the next few months. She told him all about the ups and downs of her mixed-up life.

“I was separated, reconciled, and pregnant all within a seven-month period. Ken was always understanding, whether I was contemplating moving out west or getting divorced.’ The last time they talked, she told him she was expecting a baby. He ended the conversation short and that was it. Two weeks later, she heard he was getting married.

“I thought either he felt he didn’t have to tell me what was going on with him, or I had somehow done something horrible to hurt him. All these years, I’ve worried that I hurt him. I don’t want anyone to think I have been obsessed about this, but to be honest, Ken has always been in the back of my mind. I hope he is happy, in good health and with a good woman. I also wish there was some way of telling him all this without causing pain or embarrassment for anyone. Maybe he reads this column.”

Audrey: “At my last part-time job, two married men, both in administration and both with lovely families, made a bet to see which one could date me first. Every time I turned a corner, one of them would be there. It was disgusting. I was a 50-year-old widow at the time, and I had worked too hard on my 21-year marriage to interfere with someone else’s. Married men cheat because other women let them. I quit that job.”

Joanie: “I never knew guys gossip worse than girls. I worked in a big office with lots of young people. We would all see each other in the cafeteria. My first summer there, I dated quite a few of the guys. Some I was intimate with, some I was not. But to hear them tell it (it got back to me), I was the Whore of Babylon. The snickering when I walked by got so bad, I quit a job I really liked.”