The Slice It’s Usk Versus Them
Spokane wasn’t always the biggest burg in the Inland Northwest.
And who knows. Maybe someday another town will pass it by.
We’re not saying it’s going to happen. We’re just acknowledging that it might. You know, facing the future with eyes wide open.
Here are our candidates to overtake the Lilac City as the hub of the region by the year 2047.
1. Cusick. (Boeing surprises everyone by moving all its Puget Sound operations to Pend Oreille County as part of a project code-named “Party Like It’s 1999.”)
2. Usk. (Fountain of Youth discovered by poachers.)
3. Moscow. (A million Russian immigrants start over in Idaho.)
4. Airway Heights. (Population swells to 600,000, counting inmates.)
5. Spirit Lake. (Initially attracted by the name, an international cult of capitalist herbalists turns sleepy hamlet into a bulging mecca.)
6. Yaak, Mont. (Global warming causes lurching northward shift of U.S. population. Nicknamed “Los Yaakeles.”)
7. Metaline Falls. (Local kid’s invention of telepathic “Think and Do” software puts Microsoft out of business overnight.)
8. Ritzville. (Made capital of New British Columbia after U.S. trades Washington and Idaho - plus a state to be named later - to Canada in exchange for untainted water.)
9. Wallace. (Through a truly odd sequence of events, it becomes the Hong Kong of the next century.)
10. Pomeroy. (Prompted by the PBS series, the nation’s Lewis & Clark mania gets way out of hand.)
Slice answer: If Washington were the human anatomy, Spokane would be the male nipple, said Tekoa’s George Albert. “It’s kind of a nice thing. But why?”
Welcome to “Smokane”: When teenager Ruth Donaldson of Kahlotus was a little girl, she thought the Lilac City was named after the prominent smokestacks downtown.
If you are philosophically opposed to handing out candy: You can always give trick-or-treaters little pieces of advice, neatly typed on index cards.
“Don’t affect counterculture leanings if you play golf.”
“Go for compound interest.”
“Floss.”
“Hire people who are capable of insisting on doing things right without alienating everyone.”
“Stop playing catch as soon as the light begins to fade.”
“Overcome your fear of public speaking.”
“Spay or neuter your pets.”
“Pass the ball to beat a zone.”
“Change the oil on schedule.”
“Don’t discuss fantasies about co-workers on the company’s E-mail.”
“Never name-drop.”
“Photocopy everything you carry around in your wallet.”
“Be suspicious of compliments.”
“Use Ivory for soaping windows.”
Today’s Slice question: Not counting yourself, who is the MVP at your business?
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing
MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Check out “Shane” tonight on KSPS-TV.