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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

‘Veronica’s Closet’ Could Use Some Tidying

John Martin New York Times Syndicate

Kirstie Alley stars in “Veronica’s Closet” (NBC at 9:30), a comedy about a woman who has it all, except for the one thing that matters true love.

Alley plays Veronica “Ronnie” Chase, owner of a Victoria’s Secret-style lingerie business and best-selling expert on making every marriage sexy and exciting. Trouble is, she’s in a rotten, sexless marriage to a husband (Christopher McDonald) who sleeps with every beautiful woman he meets. And he meets plenty.

This comedy from the creators of “Friends” and “Dream On” uses its premise to declare open-season on sexual references. The shock value wears out quickly in the premiere, in which Ronnie is faced with her husband’s final insult.

The funniest lines come from Ronnie’s assistants, played by Kathy Najimy and Wallace Langham. Dan Cortese, Daryl “Chill” Mitchell and Robert Prosky also star.

Like NBC’s so-so “Suddenly Susan” last season, this show will benefit from the popularity of its star, not to mention its time slot. But there’s no dazzle in the debut.

I had a hard time laughing at Ronnie’s philandering husband or at her father (Prosky), an alcoholic limo driver and, least of all, at homosexual references concerning Langham’s character.

I’ll get back to you in a few weeks.

Highlights

“Friends,” NBC at 8: In the conclusion of last season’s cliff-hanger, Ross (David Schwimmer) decides if his heart belongs to Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) or Bonnie (Christine Taylor); Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) grapples with her newly discovered birth mother (Teri Garr); and Monica (Courteney Cox) gets emergency treatment for a jellyfish sting from Chandler and Joey (Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc).

“Promised Land,” CBS at 8: In the season premiere, Richard Thomas guest-stars as Russell’s (Gerald McRaney) brother, who puts his son’s life in jeopardy when he drives under the influence of drugs. Country star Faith Hill also guest-stars.

“Union Square,” NBC at 8:30: We’ve got an ensemble here, everyone in their places for a hip, twentysomething workplace comedy. Some of the lines get laughs, but the unknown cast lacks chemistry.

The new series takes place in a New York City diner, where the menu includes stock characters and unlikely dialogue.

“Cracker,” ABC at 9: In the heart-stopping conclusion of the two-part season opener, “Fitz” (Robert Pastorelli) fears that his son (Josh Hartnett) will be the serial killer’s (Sarah Paulson) next victim. This is a nail-biter to the end.

“Seinfeld,” NBC at 9: Another season of laughs gets under way as Jerry battles a fellow comic (Steve Hytner), and Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) returns from Europe with an ex-boyfriend (Patrick Warburton) we thought we’d seen the last of. Also, George (Jason Alexander) re-enters the work force, and Kramer (Michael Richards) finds new uses for butter.

“ER,” NBC at 10: Expectations are high for this live season premiere, in which a television crew follows members of the emergency room through the course of a typical day. Alex Kingston debuts as surgical resident Dr. Elizabeth Corday.

Cable Calls

“Breaking Through: The First Superstars,” LIFE at 7: Peggy Fleming, Billie Jean King and Nadia Comaneci are profiled in the latest of Lifetime’s documentaries spotlighting women in sports.

These are worthy tributes, but Lifetime may overstate the case that these were “first superstars.” Their achievements were great, but these women are better known than previous champions in their sports mainly because of TV exposure.