Cheap Seats

Fast greens, slow answer

Woody Paige of the Denver Post describing the greens at Augusta National, site of the Masters:

“They’re cut to the length of Michael Jordan’s hair. They undulate, escalate and aggravate. Three-putt greens are as common here as pines.

“Four-putts are routine, five-putts too occasional. Seve Ballesteros was asked to describe how he (once) four-putted the ninth, and following some deep thought, he replied: ‘Miss … miss … miss … make.”’

A tit for a tat

Rick Barnes’ comments about the schools in South Carolina have prompted a response from Gov. David Beasley.

Barnes, in announcing he was leaving as Clemson basketball coach for Texas, said his dissatisfaction with South Carolina’s public school system played a part in his decision.

Beasley, a Clemson alumnus, said he would welcome a talk with Barnes about his concerns.

“I’d be glad to sit down with Coach Barnes and get some advice from him on education if he’ll take some advice on freethrow shooting,” Beasley said.

The Guv could also give advice on how to play defense.

Yogi Berra in soccer shorts

That quirky goalie Thomas Ravelli hasn’t changed much now that he has moved from Sweden to the Tampa Bay Mutiny of Major League Soccer.

There was this recent exchange with a Swedish reporter from Radio Sporten.

Reporter: “So, is it hard to find your way around in Tampa?”

Ravelli: “Naw, as long as you don’t get too lost.”

Who needs baseball?

Baseball fans caught between filing their tax returns and attending the game got a little nudge from the Pittsburgh Pirates, who provided free tax-preparation services inside Three Rivers Stadium.

Employees of H&R Block sat behind buntingdraped tables to answer questions or prepare 1040A or 1040EZ federal tax returns.

Fans could also drop off W-2 slips and addressed tax forms at a stadium tax station, then pick them up later in the game. There was plenty of downtime as the Pirates dropped a 7-2 decision to Florida on Monday night.

“Hey, this is perfect,” said Mary Prezioso, 26. “I come to a ballgame maybe a couple times a year. Tonight, I came completely for the taxes. Where else could you go to get them done and get a beer at the same time?”

So what’s your point?

Chris Childs of the New York Knicks, after teammate Allan Houston’s last-second tip-in was disallowed by officials in Miami’s 82-81 victory Sunday:

“The shot was good. You all know it, the Heat knew it, the referees knew it, NBC knows it and the world knows it. The shot was good. But nobody had the courage to say it was good.”

Not true Chris. A zillion Knicks fans screamed “no good!” But no one cares what they think.

The last word …

“We don’t bounce anymore. We just splat.”

- Detroit center Brian Williams when asked if the Pistons could bounce back from two tough losses.