Romance Is In The Cards

In the New Millennium, when it comes to romance, women will do the choosing.

At least that’s the prediction of “Loves Me, Loves Me Not,” a new “inner-active” book/card set geared toward helping women find their perfect man ($24.95, Apriori Press 1998).

Its target market is single women, between ages 15 and 30. Fifteen and still single. Imagine.

The set consists of a book, 16 photo cards and 40 relationship cards. The box that holds all of this stuff pictures a demure Renaissance maiden playing seriously hard-to-get with her Cyrano-styled suitor.

The packaging is a work of art, the contents a blend of pop psychology, tarot guide to guys and personal journal. It’s also a lot of fun, and great slumber party entertainment for women of all ages.

Divided into two sections, Part One focuses on decoding Romeo. The first step is to go through the photo cards and pick the three guys you find most attractive. The book refers to all men/male types as “guys” (a tip-off that none of the photos are of bank presidents, senior accountants or grandpas — these guys are young).

The book suggests that if the guys ages create an obstacle for you, do your best to look past it. Imagine yourself at an age or in a position to date these individuals. Well, OK. Twist my arm.

I choose Clint, the brooding poet guy, Jason the sensitive coffee house guy and Jack, the wild-haired biker guy. I haven’t had this much fun since I was 8 and spinning the dial, taking my chances with the board game, Mystery Date.

The next step is to identify the traits behind the choices. In other words, why, out of 16 possibilities, did it come down to these three?

My scribbled notes tell all:

“Clint — looks smart, soulful and funny. Jason — looks smart, athletic and funny. Jack — looks like a demon lover.” So far, so good.

Next, players turn all of the photo cards over, mix them up (don’t peek) and read the narrative on each. This is information, according to the book, that’s rarely shared in the beginning of a relationship, if ever. Listed on the cards is each guy’s thoughts on who he is, what he wants, his strengths and his weaknesses.

Again, readers are instructed to pick the three most attractive cards, this time based on what the guy thinks and feels.

Bye-bye Jack. So long, Clint. See ya, Jason.

None of the guys I picked based on looks matched with the guys I picked for brains. Hmm. Is there a pattern here?

It’s exactly those patterns that “Loves Me, Loves Me Not,” hopes to illuminate and, in the case of negative patterns, modify. The creators, Tom and Linda DuFresne, wanted to break away from the “how to get a guy” approach, focusing instead on a woman’s power to make healthy choices for herself.

Central to the material is the idea that a woman must develop and recognize her own set of values before she can find someone who shares them. The card “Encounters,” a personality profile, journaling assignments and sentence stem completions — “I respect him for his (blank), because it helps him to (blank)” — are all geared toward defining those values.

After completing the personality profile, I eagerly checked the chart to see which guy was most like me. It was Lance, the crazed televangelist-in-training guy. And the guy most opposite? Demon Jack. Hey, opposites attract.

In Part Two, the 40 relationship cards come out to play. Again, women are asked to choose three that stir their strongest feelings, positive or negative, about relationships, past or present.

At the top of each card is a statement. Feelings, behavior, self-talk and self image surrounding those statements are divided into two categories: limiting and liberating. An affirmation of the liberating viewpoint is at the bottom of the card.

“I need to be thinner,” the card says. Well, yes, that does have some personal resonance. I’m still looking for those thin thighs in 30 days.

Limiting thoughts about this statement (“I don’t like my body. I must eat less.”) are followed by Liberating thoughts (“I do my best to have a healthy body. I feel good about myself”).

In addition, women are asked to keep a journal for 21 days, using other relationship cards as a touchstone for exploring feelings about themselves and how they want to relate to men in the future.

Although it states emphatically that it’s not a substitute for professional counseling, “Loves Me, Loves Me Not” comes with a money-back guarantee. Naturally, it doesn’t guarantee that a woman will find the man of her dreams, just that she’ll have a better understanding of who that man, and she, might actually be.

The material is too often simplistic and its “Ta-DA! Can you believe it?” approach to change is annoyingly perky at times. Still, a book that doesn’t urge women to turn themselves into human pretzels to get a man and does it without indulging in any male bashing is refreshing.

The cut-off age for targeted readers, 30, is arguably stretching the book’s market. A decade older, I’ve stopped kissing toads. A relationship crone, I’m wise, hip, not easily impressed.

I wonder how I can get Jack’s phone number?