Instant Replay Could Backfire On Erickson

Dennis, Dennis Erickson - just the man I wanted to talk to.

Did you see this? Testaverde couldn’t have gotten into the end zone without having to change planes twice and go through customs!

I know, I know - I’ve seen it on SportsCenter about 300 times. Also on the new Hosed-By-The-Refs premium channel. Anyway, Dennis, I hear you want instant replay back in the National Football League.

Of course. Obviously, we need it. You’re sure?

Absolutely. Aren’t you?

No question about it. I’d say I’m of the same mind as Bill Parcells on the subject. You know Bill, don’t you?

Had his butt beat in New York. Beat! Look at the tape - Jay Bellamy turned him into a grease spot on the 1-yard line!

Guess you were too preoccupied to hear what he had to say on the matter. Anyway, someone asked Bill about instant replay and he said, “There is one objective - get the calls right. Not some of the calls, not the calls in the second half or the last quarter or only in the end zone. It’s to get the calls right.”

Exactly. I agree 100 percent.

So. you wouldn’t want to see any limits on how instant replay could be used?

Look at that crooked zebra! Said he thought Vinny’s helmet was the ball! Hell, the ball would be the smartest thing that’s ever been inside Vinny’s helmet.

Dennis, pay attention. You don’t want to see any limits on how replay would be employed?

What? No, none. Why?

Just making sure. OK, roll the tape.

Hey, what game is this?

This is the game your Seahawks played in Seattle against Denver - you know, when your 3-0 start was becoming a 3-3 start?

Really? We were 3-0? Are you sure?

Yes, Dennis, all evidence since to the contrary.

I don’t remember any terrible calls by the refs in the Broncos game.

Not by the refs, Dennis. See, here - there’s 10 minutes left, you score to pull within five and go for two. Only you have Ricky Watters run a sweep instead of throwing the ball.

Ricky’s a tough back, he’s …

You rushed for 77 yards all game! He didn’t get any closer to the end zone than Vinny Testaverde did last week! Then you’re on the move with 3 minutes to play, John Friesz is hotter than a sleeping bag in a sauna bath and you give it to Ricky again and then run some fool reverse. Nada. Then they intercept when they know you have no choice but to throw.

Look, what’s your point?

The point is, upon further review, you blew it.

That’s your opinion. Anybody can second-guess. At the time, in the heat of the moment, I’d call it the same way.

Well, so would Earnest Frantz III.

Who?

The zeeb who thought Vinny’s white helmet was a brown football.

Anything else, smart guy?

Yeah. Why was Warren Moon even in that game? He had cracked ribs. He was about as mobile as Walter Matthau and as wild as John Daly’s driver.

Well, he talked me into it.

So, upon further review…

He’ll be in the Hall of Fame! Are you going to bench a Hall of Famer?

Hell, Dennis, you did. But not until the season was a lost cause. Did you really need 11 weeks to see that the Moon of ‘98 was not the Moon of ‘97? Didn’t you think your club could have used the spark Jon Kitna provides when it was 3-3 just as much as when it was 5-6?

Look, it’s easy to come up with better answers …

Upon further review, right?

OK, I futz one every now and then. But nothing as bad as that touchdown call.

Oh? Here’s the tape of the Raiders game of Nov. 1. Here’s center Kevin Glover going out with a pinched nerve and here comes who? Why, it’s Jason McEndoo, who hadn’t played center since high school and was signed from the practice squad two days before. He flops and you go with Pete Kendall who hadn’t hiked a football since he was 9 years old. You blow some snaps and kill a couple drives because your backup center has a concussion and you don’t bother to replace him until bed check. I think Earnest Frantz III could have recognized the need for a better plan.

You through with me yet?

Hey, we can stop now or keep going. How is it Joey Galloway has only seen the ball 50 times in 13 games? Why, when he’s being covered by a backup cornerback, does he fail to touch it in the second half against the Jets? Why did you con yourself into the notion that you could be a power running team, just because you buried three bad teams early? Why is Fred Thomas still employed? We won’t even get into all those flags in the second Raiders game and what that says about discipline. Hell, Earnest probably missed the touchdown call because he was busy looking for a personal foul.

So you don’t think we should have instant replay?

Go ahead and have it. Like it did before, it’ll cow officials into making no call instead of boldly making a wrong one, but that’s OK. Never mind that baseball muddles along with full-time arbiters who have perverted the strike zone and miss as many calls in big games as your part-timers - and that the sun always comes up the next day. Parcells is correct. Getting it right is the most important thing. But you and everyone else need to stop whining about how careers are being ruined and lives trashed. There’s another million-dollar year on your contract whether you coach the Seahawks’ next season or not. Everyone will find work - football has its welfare system, too. And in your case, there were plenty of opportunities not to be in this position.

Yeah, OK. Actually, though, I kind of like this all-inclusive replay thing. Everybody can use a few do-overs.

And here’s the tape of the 1995 press conference, when Ken Behring is announcing your hiring

Uh, upon further review, maybe not.