Don’T Throw With ‘Boarders

Sat., Dec. 12, 1998

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

We’re not trying to start trouble.

But if an army of skiers faced an equal number of snowboarders in a huge snowball fight, we know the ‘boarders would win.

Just wondering: Whose doorbell has been inoperative for the longest period and how many times have people pressed on the button during that dormant stretch?

Dean Bethmann’s “treasured items for an Inland Northwest model village”:

1. The Aryan Nations compound.

2. The nuclear weapons bunkers at Fairchild AFB.

3. The Lincoln Street Bridge (could be a collectors’ item).

That clicking sound you hear: Is all recollections of the Chris Anderson city council term being expunged from one more person’s memory.

Just wondering: Who in your circle might reasonably vie for the title of “Inland Northwest’s No. 1 conversation interrupter”?

Cats know best: This black and white feline named Merlin was making the rounds at a church group’s Christmas party and went straight for a guy who is allergic to cats. Merlin understood what several two-leggers in the room didn’t.

Just because someone couldn’t live with a cat doesn’t mean he wouldn’t enjoy saying hello.

B-17 veterans sought: If you or a member of your family served in the 303rd Bombardment Group stationed at Molesworth, England, from 1942 to 1945, call (509) 327-1064 to find out about a reunion.

Inland Northwest’s long reach: Made-in-Spokane Greencastle Soap (made with olive oil) can be found as far away as Key Largo, Fla.

You know you’ve made a fool of yourself at the office Christmas party when: 1. Santa calls you a cab.

2. Your pants are on backwards.

3. You overhear your friends making up some story about how you’ve been under a lot of stress.

Inland Northwest status symbol: Being known as someone who doesn’t verbalize his or her every thought.

There are “chicks” movies and “action” movies: But what’s a good term to describe movies certain to do especially well in the Spokane area?

Tip for Christmas carolers from a mail-carrier: When the dog stops barking, then it’s time to worry.

Today’s Slice question: How do you jump-start your mood when you realize that your prevailing holiday-season sensation is numbness?

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