Cheap Seats
Won’t be home for Christmas
Marty Anderson, an employee of KEX-Radio in Portland, which carries the Portland Trail Blazers, has camped out at a billboard that reads “SOS” (Save Our Season) since Nov. 3. He claims he will stay put until the lockout ends or the season is canceled.
Portland writers have suggested David Stern and Billy Hunter join him.
Like son, like father
Tennis player Jeff Tarango, whose temper, if not his game, has been compared to John McEnroe’s, made a $200,000 challenge to McEnroe in response to claims by the former champion that he could still beat most players on the tour.
Neither McEnroe nor his agent could be reached for comment, but McEnroe’s father, John McEnroe Sr., said:
“I think it’s all very funny, rather humorous. On the other hand, maybe John would see it as an easy way to pick up $200,000.”
No cure for the Bears
Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times on the underachieving Bears:
“The easy part is firing (coach) Dave Wannstedt. The hard part is dealing with the futile reality that Michael McCaskey, doofus-at-large, still runs the organization and would be hiring the next coach.
“Eliminating one symptom doesn’t cure the illness.”
Skip the toe-jam
Dallas Cowboys cornerback Deion Sanders, commenting on his toe injury: “If you want to know how it felt, hit your toe with a hammer 10 times, slam it in your car door, break it backwards, then cover Jerry Rice.”
Another sensitive moment with Bobby
After Indiana’s basketball team took last week off for final exams, coach Bob Knight had this to say to reporters:
“I didn’t think you ever had to take a final in journalism, did you? You just had to spell your name and they passed you. I just wanted to throw that out about finals for those of you are unfamiliar with them.”
To which Ken Davis of the Hartford Courant asks, “Any tips on furniture abuse, Bob?”
IOC doping on the rise
Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “The IOC always is concerned about the dope that countries’ competitors take. Why isn’t the organization just as concerned about the IOC dopes who take from the competing countries?
Can’t deliver in the NBA
In Karl Malone’s new comic book, the Mailman battles - who else? - mail pirates several centuries into the future after getting unfrozen.
Writes Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune, “And the way they froze Malone, of course, was to tell him he was in the finals against Michael (Jordan) again.”
The last word …
“If you ask me, the Los Angeles Clippers have never had a finer season.”
- Sports writer Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe