Get Professionals To Clean House

Dear Ann Landers: Like many who grew up during the Depression, my parents took great pride in pulling themselves up by the bootstraps. Their home was their castle, and they both worked diligently to maintain it.

When my mother died six years ago, my sister, “Anne,” now 36, was living at home with the folks. She never moved out. Anne now has four dogs, and they have virtually trashed the place. The living room carpet smells like a cow barn. The house is covered with dog hair, and since the dogs sleep with Anne, her bedsheets are filthy.

Despite the fact that my parents financed her college education, Anne, who has always had a good job, pays rent only sporadically. My father’s resentment is eating him alive. This would be easy for me to write off as none of my business, but I would like my children, ages 2 and 5, to spend more time with their grandpa. He is getting on in years, and I want to visit more often, but seeing the beautiful home I grew up in being turned into a dump is very painful.

Dad complains to me constantly about Anne’s freeloading. He wants to remodel his home but says he won’t do it as long as the dogs are there. The way things are going, I’m afraid the dogs will outlive him. Please tell me what to do. This is critical, and I’m beside myself. - S.L. in Spencer, N.Y.

Dear Spencer: Have you heard of professional house cleaners? They usually work in teams and do a wonderful job. Look in the phone book, and make an appointment. You will wonder what took you so long.

If there are none in Spencer, hire a cleaning woman. I urge you to get going. The longer you wait, the worse it will be for all concerned.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and we have three children. Over the course of our marriage, my husband has had several affairs. This is well-known by a number of people because he appeared publicly with various women. The most visible affair (also the most painful for me) was his liaison with my sister. I nearly left him, but he promised “never again” if I would give him one last chance. I agreed.

My sister has two children. I have three. The question is, how much should I tell the children? This is a rather small town, and gossip travels fast. I would not be at all surprised to learn that they have already heard something. Will you please advise me? - Indiana Mom

Dear Mom: I see no reason to tell them anything. Should they come to you and ask if the stories they have heard are true, you must be honest and say, “Yes, but that is all in the past, and we don’t need to think about it anymore.” To open a dialogue with children about their father’s infidelity would be punitive and counterproductive.

Dear Ann Landers: We recently had a death in the family. The notice in the paper read “private graveside service.” An in-law, who had neither seen nor spoken to a family member in 20 years, showed up at the cemetery and tagged along for the wake. I think this was in extremely poor taste. My husband disagrees. What do you say, Ann? - Grieving in Gary, Ind.

Dear Gary: A graveside service is not a social event. Anyone who chooses to be present should be made to feel welcome.