Cheap Seats
Feeding time for the Walrus
Brian McKenna of KFNS-AM in St. Louis: “It’s getting out of hand in the PGA. First Casey Martin sues so he can use a golf cart. Now Craig Stadler is suing the PGA so he can use a dessert cart.”
On second thought, good idea, Junior
It was well-reported that the much-anticipated match-up of A.L. home run king Ken Griffey Jr. and the Seattle Mariners’ latest phenom pitcher, 6-foot-10 Ryan Anderson, who boasts a 99 mph fastball and struggles with control, didn’t come off as scheduled.
What might not have been as well known was Griffey’s verbal barrage - all in good fun - at spring camp coordinator John McLaren after Junior backed away from the batting cage when he found out the big kid was ready to fire some bullets at him.
Griffey, in a mock rage, said to McLaren: “What are you thinking, asking me to face some 6-foot-12 kid throwing 99 miles per hour? He’s trying to make this team and he might kill me. Then they’d fire you.”
OK, who’s the wise guy?
Matt Birk made an impression at the NFL scouting combine in Indianapolis, not so much for his 307-pound football ability as an offensive tackle, but his intellect.
“People look at you a little funny around here when you say you’re from Harvard,” Birk told the Boston Globe. “Initially some guys are impressed, but it’s not like I’m talking astrophysics with them.
“The only time it seemed to count for much was when they handed out the Wonderlic (intelligence test). I heard somebody whisper, ‘Where’s the Harvard kid?”’
Armed and dangerous
Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune has some advice for American figure skater Todd Eldredge, who lost his chance for a medal at the Winter Olympics by trying to turn a double axel into a triple axel.
Writes Lincicome: “Everyone knows you get thrown out trying to make a triple out of a double. Unless Keith Moreland is in right field, that is.”
If only the radar could find the plate
What’s new in baseball? It’s the “radar ball.” The ball has a timer that starts with the snap of the pitch and stops when the ball hits the catcher’s mitt.
A microchip inside converts the time into mph, which shows on a liquid crystal display on the ball. The ball can be calibrated to measure speeds from different pitching distances.
The Seattle Mariners tried to debut the ball last season with their relievers, but it didn’t work because the ball never reached the catcher’s glove.
Check those carry-on bags
From comedy writer Earl Hochman: “The Tampa Tribune reports Florida taxpayers subsidized more than $75,000 in air travel for Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden. The good news is he wasn’t carrying a loaded revolver.”
The last word …
“It’s all a conspiracy. The Olympics actually ended two weeks ago, but CBS doesn’t want you to know.”
- Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post
, DataTimes