To Help Or Not To Help? That’s The Question When It Comes To Your Child’s Homework

Helping kids with homework can be as frustrating as trying to find a parking space at the mall the last Saturday before Christmas.

This past year my family battled a daily barrage of annoying brain teasers and mind boggling math story problems. Occasionally there were tears and tantrums. These weren’t enjoyable experiences.

However, now some educators are telling parents like me to butt out of our kids’ homework. Am I dreaming? My son is only in fourth grade, and we’re already getting the experts’ OK to shake loose of this irritating ordeal?

Some believe homework is the responsibility of children and their teachers. Others say parents are helping their children too much, or even doing the homework for their children.

I’ve occasionally been guilty of hovering over my son as he labors over a research paper. Perhaps I’ve been overly enthusiastic when it comes time to edit his work. Although I’ve never actually done my son’s projects, now I have to wonder whether my help is doing more harm than good.

My curiosity led me to question several local teachers, a principal and a counselor about this new wave of parentless homework. Most of the high school teachers I talked to disagreed with the idea that parents should stay out of the equation.

“Homework is teacher, student and parent. We are a team. If the parent is interested in what the kids are doing in school, then the parents are showing that they value education,” said Dennie Crowe, a 34-year-veteran teacher and head of North Central High’s English department.

Crowe asked her sophomore honors English students for their input. Most hated the idea of moms and dads looking over their shoulders during a project.

However, many also said it is comforting to have parental backup when it’s needed.

Another North Central teacher, Sandi Bennett, agreed.

“Parents need to be active participants in their children’s learning,” Bennett said. “I don’t think that there are many businesses out there where they say, ‘Go figure the problem out by yourself,’ and offer them no other resources.

“I don’t think it’s reasonable in the workplace or at school.”

Although the high school teachers had similar views, there were differing opinions among teachers at Salk and Sacajawea middle schools.

Salk’s Don Saffle said it is fine for teachers to tell parents not to help. However, he says it’s important for an educator to relay this information to families upfront and then make certain the students are prepared to work independently.

“If you don’t prepare them (students) to do the homework, you end up with a kid who wants to do the job, but without the help of a parent, can’t,” Saffle said.

Sue Eggart, who teaches at Sacajawea, is troubled by the idea of parents helping more than occasionally.

“Too often parents enable their children to be exempt from the real-life expectations and issues that they will have to face as adults,” she said.

Eggart said that if a parent doesn’t have a deep knowledge of what their child is studying, he or she could end up making things confusing for the student.

“That parent should be on the phone to the teacher. Most teachers will get the student right in for some tutoring,” she said.

Gary Johnson, special education teacher at Sacajawea, believes that a parent who offers no help to a child is setting the student up for failure.

“Many of the kids who are struggling are the ones whose parents don’t offer enough support,” Johnson said.

Johnson recommends that parents step in when a child is frustrated and then tailor the amount of assistance to the individual.

Wilson Elementary School teacher Lynda Macquarrie said there’s a fine line between helping and actually doing the child’s work.

“A parents job is to be a helper, but the homework is still up to the child,” Macquarrie said.

Ann Sundgren, another Wilson teacher, said parents should keep a continual dialogue with their children regarding what they are doing in class. She doesn’t mind parents offering help and guidance to their kids.

“Parents have a wealth of information,” Sundgren said. “Sometimes they can add experience that enriches what I’m teaching.”

Sacajawea Principal Herb Rotchford believes that children should be treated as individuals.

In the past, he said, he agreed with experts’ recommendations, such as all children need a scheduled study time at a desk. Then along came his daughter.

She is very independent and liked to sit on her bed and study while listening to music. She took frequent breaks to talk on the phone or watch a few minutes of TV. Her methods were initially maddening for Rotchford.

Rather than turn it into a power struggle, he gave his daughter one quarter’s grades to prove her study method. She produced a 4.0 report card regularly thereafter.

He concluded: “Each child is different. You can’t make a blanket statement and say this is what you should and shouldn’t do.

“The amount and style of involvement should vary from child to child.”

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: TIPS FOR HELPING WITH HOMEWORK By Melodie Little Correspondent Most educators have tips for parents when it comes to homework. Here are a few: Be interested in what your child is doing. Have your child “teach” you what they learn. Monitor what kids are doing, when assignments are due, and if they are keeping up. Help your child get the research materials they need for a project. Assist with brainstorming. Quiz a child on spelling words or other subjects they are studying. Listen to speeches. Excuse your children from a chore or two if they are studying for a big test. Interpret instructions for a struggling child. Do a sample math problem without providing the answer. Help them learn to analyze their mistakes. Encourage your child to set up a study group. Be aware of the teachers’ expectations and how much parental help they allow for their students. Contact the teacher immediately if your child is having problems.