Be Proud Of Gift You Have To Give

Dear Ann Landers: This is for “Second Place in Buffalo,” who was a virgin when she married. She worried that her husband compared her to his previous lovers and her lack of experience put her way down on the list. Please tell her that the gift of virginity is very special and she has a right to be proud of it.

Having many lovers does not make a person talented in bed. A good sexual relationship comes from the love, respect and familiarity of someone who is important to you. It only gets better with time.

I’m sorry to say I was not a virgin when I married my husband 15 years ago. The memories of my past lovers have faded. They seemed important at the time, but after all these years, I no longer remember what attracted me to them.

Please tell “Second Place” to forget about the other women her husband slept with. They don’t matter now. I guarantee that he takes pride in the fact that she waited for him. Not many women do these days. The major regret in my life is that I failed to hang onto my virginity until I met my husband. He is a wonderful man and the one who truly deserved that special gift. - Kay in Upstate N.Y.

Dear Kay: Your frank and honest letter will be much appreciated by those who have saved themselves for marriage. Keep reading for another one:

Dear Ann: I am writing in response to “Second Place in Buffalo.” Her husband had had several bed partners before they met. She was totally inexperienced and worried about being compared to the women who had preceded her.

My husband was a virgin when we married. I was a widow and very experienced. I loved “Eddie” so much that the other men in my life never entered my mind. But Eddie was obsessed with the thought of the men I had been with. He became downright weird. Every time we made love, he would ask for details of my previous partners. Even though I kept telling Eddie that I had forgotten all about the others and he was the only one who mattered, he persisted in questioning me. It felt as if there were another person in bed with us.

Here’s my suggestion to “Second Place.” Remember that your husband loved you enough to marry you. Forget about the rest. Experience comes with knowing what makes your partner happy. Time is your best ally. - Been There in Kansas

Dear Ann Landers: Well, here goes another 32-cent postage investment to get your attention. I’ve written six letters, and you never printed any of them. My position is that it’s better to stay single than to live with someone without benefit of marriage.

Females who are foolish enough to live with a so-called “lover” are fair game for big trouble, like, for instance, battering. If the lady is not good enough to be honored as a respectable wife, the consequences of a common-law arrangement are to be expected.

If sex is the main attraction, that too shall pass. Man is objective; woman is subjective. Man is realistic; woman is idealistic. Man is nomadic; woman needs roots. Man needs respect more than he needs love. - Savvy in Savannah

Dear Savannah: Although you don’t come right out and say it, your letter strongly suggests that common-law wives deserve to get battered. And where did you get the notion that man needs respect more than he needs love? He needs both. Your signature doesn’t match your letter. You don’t sound very “savvy” to me.