Bus View Can Expose Naked Truth
Look down from your window seat on an STA bus often enough and sooner or later you’re going to see someone in a car who is traveling without benefit of pants.
* “She’s got hair like a poodle”: Few things are more chilling than overhearing one of your co-workers describe your appearance to someone trying to find you.
* Three sure signs that your personality needs work:
1. You feel smugly superior when you hear ungrammatical speech.
2. You believe that every flight attendant is coming on to you.
3. Never experiencing self-doubt.
* Sisterly love: So this one Spokane family just got a van. The license plates end with the letters JKN.
The mom wondered aloud how they were going to remember that. And the woman’s 10-year-old daughter suggested a phrase incorporating the name of her 14-year-old sister.
“Julia knows nothing.”
* Three of the things people think about while cutting the grass:
1. Mimi Rogers and Tom Cruise — what happened?
2. The sound loons make.
3. Whether elaborate police funerals unintentionally attract glory seekers to law enforcement.
* Music festivals we’d like to see next year: Leprechauns of Rock, The No Original Members Nostalgia Cavalcade and Gynefest ‘99.
* Speaking of music: You know how country singers always make such a big deal about saying how much they appreciate their fans? Well, we think it’s worth noting that it’s a statistical certainty that some of them are lying.
* Three things you can say to people who ask when you’re going to have kids: 1. “You mean, you haven’t heard about my accident?”
2. “Whenever you say.”
3. “Maybe next week.”
* Multiple choice: A sequel to “Animal House” should be called: a.) “Return to Faber.” b.) “Dean Wormer’s Revenge.” c.) “Toga II.” d.) “Flounder’s Big Score: Double-secret probation.” e.) other.
* We’re not alone: Call (802) 985-3346 to find out about next spring’s Lilac Festival at the Shelburne Museum in Vermont.
* A friend overheard a little boy explaining to his mom about running through the sprinkler without a swimming suit: “We were just wearing our bodies.”
* Today’s Slice question (for parents with infants): What music soothes your baby?
Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Send copies of 1998 letters from camp.