Cheap Seats

Now he’s a master of biting satire

Charlie Hough, new pitching coach of the Los Angeles Dodgers, has never been considered a good interview by writers.

However, when a reporter recently told Hough that talking to him was as difficult as pulling teeth, the former Spokane Indians knuckleballer, who spent all or part of 25 years in the big leagues, had an answer.

He pulled out his false teeth and said, “That wasn’t so hard.”

McGwire legend, chapter 17 or so

One of Curt Schilling’s favorite mementos is a broken bat the Philadelphia Phillies ace right-hander received from St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire.

“He homered when he broke it,” Schilling told Phil Collier of the San Diego Union-Tribune.

“After the game, I found the bat in my locker. It was signed by Mark and he’d put a Band-Aid across the broken part.”

Maybe Mark should have left a little something to fix Curt’s earned run average, too.

Danger, danger, everywhere

Fans sometimes wonder why athletes aren’t always willing to sign autographs. Well, Colin Montgomerie will tell them it’s dangerous.

The Scottish golfer stopped for some fans at the Irish Open last weekend, signed a few times and as he was walking through the crowd, stumbled over a rock - tearing a ligament in his ankle.

Ah, those Canadian capers

Jack Cust, the Arizona Diamondbacks’ No. 1 pick in the 1997 amateur baseball draft, accepted congratulations from fans after word spread that the grand slam he had just hit for Lethbridge of the Pioneer League happened on his 19th birthday.

It was a great story, except the part about his birthday wasn’t true. It seems Cust turned 19 on Jan. 7, not July 1. Somehow, the numbers were transposed, probably because in Canada, the day comes before the month in abbreviated dates.

So, 1/7 was interpreted as July 1.

“I guess they got mixed up,” Cust said. “It was kind of funny.”

Breaking par at the auction house

How much would you pay for a putter? Twenty bucks? Maybe $200 or so for a Tiger Woods model? Or perhaps $1,000 for one Arnold Palmer used to win the British Open?

How about $174,900? That’s what Spain’s Valderrama golf group paid for a rare metal-headed blade putter, said to date from the late 18th or early 19th century.

The price, making it the world’s most expensive golf club, was more than twice the amount predicted by Christie’s auction house in London.

At that price, let’s hope they threw in a few birdies.

Last week’s most tactful remark

High school star Rashard Lewis was a second-round selection of the Seattle SuperSonics in the NBA draft, but Jerry Reynolds, director of player personnel for the Sacramento Kings, was not impressed.

“I don’t think the kid’s good enough to play for Duke, let alone an NBA team,” Reynolds said.

The last word …

“She’s about as French as an Edsel.”

- Tennis guru Bud Collins on Mary Pierce, the Canadian-born player who represents France