Cheap Seats

Be careful what you dream

David Wood, who played for eight NBA teams in nine years, has a view on making the USA Basketball’s world championship team.

“This is the real Dream Team because nobody here had a dream they could make this team.”

Uh, David, you also may not have a prayer.

But he still has plenty of pluck

Perennial National League batting champion Tony Gwynn says this year’s San Diego Padres, on pace for a franchise-record 104 wins, may be the best team he has played on.

Team officials hope the club’s success will generate sufficient enthusiasm for voters to approve a $411 million financing plan to build a new ballpark near San Diego’s Gaslamp Quarter.

“If we don’t get it, I could be the only guy left,” said Gwynn, 38. “I’m getting too old to go through another fire sale. I’ve taken a lot of young players under my wing in 17 years, and my wings and feathers are gone.”

More than a coincidence

Years back, when Bonita Ford, mother of the twins allegedly fathered by Karl Malone, sued the Utah Jazz star, Pat Wojtkiewicz of the North Louisiana Criminalistics Laboratory testified that based on the blood sample Malone submitted, there is a 99.6 percent probability that Malone fathered Daryl Ford, and 98.3 percent that he fathered twin sister Cheryl.

“A 99 percent determination isn’t necessarily conclusive or extremely high,” argues Malone’s attorney, Randall Call. “Karl had a lot of brothers.”

Maybe they didn’t catch the words

Chicago Cubs players voted against a plan to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during a seventh-inning stretch at Wrigley Field, where various celebrities have taken turns leading the song this year in tribute to late announcer Harry Caray.

“As a group, we felt that more bad than good could come of it,” first baseman Mark Grace said. “If one team was blowing the other team out, it would not be a festive time to start singing. I know that if I was leading off the next inning, I wouldn’t want to do it.”

Every day’s an experiment

This just in from Sports Illustrated:

The Cincinnati Reds have sometimes used the outfield configuration of Dimitri Young in left, Mike Frank in center and Chris Stynes in right.

Thankfully, Young, Frank and Stynes haven’t yet taken the field as men in tights.

But after working for Marge Schott, they may become men in stitches.

Pound those carpetbaggers

Former New York Yankees (and Seattle Pilots) pitcher Jim Bouton has lashed out at owners such as the Yankees’ George Steinbrenner, who have threatened to move teams for better stadium deals.

Bouton suggests cities that subsidize new stadiums should own the team’s logo, history, records and the “intellectual property” of the team. “(That way, fans could tell Steinbrenner,) ‘You can take your franchise to New Jersey and call it the Swamp Rats,’ if they want. We’re going to be the Yankees in this town.”’

The last word …

“I have told our scouts that the next one who tells us that some kid has ‘McGwire-like power’ gets fired immediately. Nobody has McGwire-like power.”

- Cincinnati general manager Jim Bowden