Cheap Seats

Taking it on the cheek

Atlanta Braves backup catcher Eddie Perez is carrying a rainbow-colors bruise on his left buttock, courtesy of bullpen coach Ned Yost, who hit the reserve catcher during batting practice recently. The bruise has caused such appreciation around the clubhouse that Yost actually autographed it.

“That’s my first righty,” said Yost, who in his eight seasons with the club recalls previously hitting only Dwight Smith and Tony Tarasco.

Oops. Sorry, pal

Ryan Leaf recently left a phone message for former Washington State University teammate and current Phoenix Cardinals wide receiver Chad Carpenter.

“He called my wife and said he was going to send me an invoice for the $10,000,” Carpenter said.

Carpenter, a second-year pro, doesn’t owe Leaf any money.

But Leaf was fined $10,000 by the NFL for leaving the league’s mandatory rookie symposium last month to speak at Carpenter’s football camp in Fruitland, Idaho.

“He is one of my better friends and came out of his own will,” Carpenter said. “(Leaf) said if he reached one kid, it was worth it. But it doesn’t seem fair. The NFL at the symposium stressed getting involved with the community and kids, and then something like that happens.”

Carpenter’s guilt should fade fast now that Leaf’s a millionaire.

In another world

In the Seattle Mariners promotion “Turn the Clock Ahead Night” that was staged recently, the players had fun with the scheduling aspect of baseball in the year 2027.

“I think next week we’re going to Pluto,” outfielder Rob Ducey said. “Tough trip, man. The time zone’s a bear.”

When Ducey was asked whether, after this experience, he would like to play in 2027, he laughed.

“Hey, man,” he said, “I’d just like to play in 1999.”

That’s too bad, but where’s the food?

San Francisco 49ers players were told at 11 p.m. last Tuesday that they needed to go to the cafeteria at training camp immediately.

Some players were already asleep and were not amused by what they thought was a rookie prank.

The team was about to be informed that team president Carmen Policy had resigned.

“They told us what had happened, and a lot of the younger guys said, ‘Does that mean the cafeteria is still open?”’ veteran quarterback Steve Young said. “We said, ‘Yeah, it’s still free food.’ This is over the top of a lot of the players.”

Who needs Policy?

Policy’s departure is the latest blow to what was once the league’s premier franchise. In the past two years, the team has changed head coaches, offensive coordinators, defensive coordinators and now club presidents.

But offensive tackle Harris Barton thinks the predicted demise of the team is premature.

“I wish him (Policy) well. He did a lot for my family, this organization and the city… . But we’ve still got talented players here. The last time I checked, I didn’t see anybody come out of a luxury box and make a tackle.”

The last word …

“Is he a running back?”

- Rams coach Dick Vermeil, when asked his opinion of the rock group Van Halen.