Cheap Seats

Don’t pick on him

Cardinals pitcher Kent Mercker, on being picked off by San Diego’s Kevin Brown in a game last week:

“I guess if I got on base more than once every 35 at-bats, I’d have a better idea how to be on first base.”

Defacing up to the facts

There were always suspicions, suggestions, sometimes accusations that Don Sutton knew how to scuff a ball - cut it, mark it so that it would move to his advantage.

Did he? Sutton doesn’t directly answer the query.

“I never got caught scuffing a ball,” he said, smiling. “I got accused of throwing a defaced ball, and I confess, too, of never throwing a ball out of play if it was dirty or banged up. Only an idiot would do that.

“It used to bug the heck out of me, just when a ball got just right, bounced a couple of times in the dirt or off the wall a couple times, some smart-aleck wanted to take it out of play. I know it was good for the economy of Haiti (where the balls were made then), but it was bad for the pitcher.”

Umpire Doug Harvey ejected Sutton from a 1978 game in St. Louis for throwing a defaced ball, and an American League umpiring crew displayed a bag full of defaced balls after a game he pitched with the Angels in Anaheim. However, he was never suspended or fined. His stiffest penalty was a letter of reprimand from the National League.

“So in the future,” he said, referring to the St. Louis incident, “I gave the umpires my word that if I came across a ball that had something wrong with it, I would point it out to them.”

Did he honor that?

“Yes, I did,” he said. “Some of the time.”

Nobody’s perfect

Boston pitcher Pedro Martinez admits he doesn’t understand New England fans.

“They confuse me a little bit,” he said. “I’m not saying they don’t like me. When I do good, they love me. But when I do bad, they hate me.

“It surprised me. The reason is the fans seem to know about baseball, about effort, about pride. They are probably the most educated people I have ever played for.

“All you have in Boston are universities. You don’t see anyone who doesn’t go to school someplace. They read a lot, they understand a lot.

“Imagine being a straight-A medical student and one day you happen to have a bad exam. And your mommy and your daddy are slapping you in the face, telling you you’re no good, you’re not worth anything because you failed one exam. That’s how I feel.”

Bill’s not playing with a full team

Even geniuses sometimes have a little trouble with math.

Football mastermind Bill Walsh was lecturing 1,000 Texas high school coaches the other day using a huge overhead screen when he marked positions for four defensive backs, three linemen and three linebackers.

You don’t have to be Joe Montana to find a way to beat that defense.

Despite some stirring in the audience at the Texas High School Coaches Association lecture, Walsh never added the 11th man.

“Unfortunately, we run that defense sometimes too,” said Greg Jacobs, a Crawford High coach.

The last word …

“I love all those soccer fans who tell you the only reason you don’t like soccer is, ‘You don’t understand it.’ I understand it, pal. It goes on forever and nobody scores.”

- ESPN Magazine writer Tony Kornheiser