Try Being Less Formal, More Precise

Dear Miss Manners: After witnessing yet another complaint regarding the global misunderstanding of the simple meaning and social requirement of the RSVP, may I suggest that the term is now antiquated and needs replacing with a clear, English phrase that perhaps will assist all involved?

It appears that the vast majority of people do not know what the acronym means, and even those who do often choose to ignore it, then feel free to answer, “I thought that meant…” as an acceptable excuse to ignore the request.

Perhaps you could lead the effort - and make it totally proper - to use the simple phrase “Respond please to 555-5555 by January 1, 1999” or something similar. The American love of acronyms could be satisfied perhaps with “CALUK” (call and let us know) or the like. Obviously, in this modern, time-conscious, get-to-the-point and get-the-job-done world we live in, expecting someone to interpret a foreign phrase then properly act upon it is no longer feasible. TY. (Thank You!)

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is always happy to help make social duties clearer, to enlighten the befuddled and thwart the undutiful.

But CALUK? N, T. There has long existed an English alternative to R.S.V.P. (the preferred abbreviation); it is “The favour of a reply is requested.” You will notice that this, too, has a foreign flavour. Uh, flavor.

In the interests of Americanization, Miss Manners is happy to do away with that “u.” Or to go with the slightly less formal, but certainly-to-the-point, “Please respond.”

It is going to take her longer to reconcile herself to the new habit of setting deadlines. It has never been quite nice to threaten one’s guests.

Dear Miss Manners: What should you call yourself as an identification to servants, salesclerks, etc.? Mrs. Smith or Suzie?

What should you call your servants? Ms. Smith, Suzie Smith, Smith, or Suzie?

If you introduce yourself to some people (my children’s friends, for instance) as Suzie Smith and not Mrs. Smith, they will start calling you Suzie. What should you do?

How can I get nieces and nephews to use aunt/uncle titles? Can I sign anything with titles Aunt, Mrs., Ms., etc.?

Gentle Reader: As Miss Manners suspects you know, it is considered pompous to use a title in regard to oneself, in speech or in a signature. But - this doesn’t apply to titles designating family relationships, such as “aunt.”

It provides no help in informing people how you wish to be addressed, and thus no protection from being addressed by your first name, which you understandably find cheeky (and your employee may justifiably consider demeaning).

And of course it doesn’t apply to Miss Manners, who took the extreme precaution of not having a first name, exactly to avoid that sort of thing.

You may notice a problem with this assortment of rules. One of these days, polite people will all start behaving like newlyweds, who find all sorts of circumlocutions because they don’t call their in-laws anything.

In the meantime, Miss Manners advises you to call servants Ms. Smith; tell relatives “I would be pleased if you would call me Aunt Suzie”; correct salespeople by saying, “My surname is Smith - it’s Ms. Smith”; and leave messages such as “Please tell her that Mrs. Smith called.”

Using the third person in regard to yourself gets you around the rule against referring to yourself by a title, as Miss Manners knows from experience.