Would A Second Life Mean Seven More Wives?
At a recent benefit roast for an AIDS research charity, revelers pondered a truly sobering thought: What if scientists succeeded in cloning Larry King?
Throughout the evening, mock CNN video reports brought updates about the talk-show host being genetically duplicated. Bill Maher suggested King could be his own best man at his next wedding. Lauren Bacall predicted that King’s clone would make a great romantic lead.
“Larry does have some qualities of the great actors I’ve known,” Bacall said. “He’s got Michael Caine’s eyes, Edward G. Robinson’s nose, Bogart’s hairline. Imagine Sam Spade as a nearsighted textile salesman, and you get the picture.”
King earned his own laughs by recalling the kiss Marlon Brando once gave him on the air, adding: “I can’t stop thinking about him.”
Loose talk
Bette Midler, on Monica Lewinsky (in Town & Country): “How did Hillary miss Monica? What was she thinking? Why didn’t she insist on only male interns? In my White House, all interns would look like James Carville.”
Make that 72 down, and 928 to go
Mel Brooks turns 72 today.
By now, it’s probably all blown over
No one was too surprised when Simon & Schuster rejected a book proposal from convicted Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski, but there were some eyebrows raised about assistant editor Johanna Li opening the envelope bearing Kaczynski’s return address. “It’s part of my job,” Li said. “I took a little kidding around the office.” Added senior editor Bob Bender: “She’s braver than I thought.”
Sequel? Just think of it as a chaser
A year after the release of his first “sip and tell” book about Boris Yeltsin, the Russian president’s former bodyguard reportedly is planning another. Alexander Korzhakov, who depicted Yeltsin as a suicidal alcoholic in “Boris Yeltsin: From Dawn Till Dusk,” was ousted in a Kremlin power struggle two years ago.
Give me two mediums, and a subpoena
The New York Post reprinted a poem written by a young Monica Lewinsky, circa age 10 or 11: “I am a pizza/I can be a delicious lunch, dinner/or breakfast, if you’re weird/I have a great deal of toppings on me/I am a round and flat piece of dough/with lots of toppings/I make your mouth water/ I’m very good to eat, but I’m/Fattening!/I am a mouth’s best friend/I make you say, ‘Yum, Yum’/I am a pizza.”
Maybe Monica can loan him her pads
Sen. Jesse Helms is planning on “the fashionable thing to do” for a 76-year-old man: getting his knees replaced. “The sooner, the better,” said the North Carolina Republican, who walks with a cane and sometimes uses an electric cart, adding that he’ll probably undergo surgery in the fall after the Senate adjourns.