Grow Up, Count Your Blessings
Dear Ann Landers: I guess people’s problems never change. Here is a column you ran in December 1970 - 27 years ago. I kept it because it made such good sense. Someone very close to me needs to see it. Will you please run it again? It could help. - Miss X in Charlotte, N.C.
Dear Miss X: It’s good to know that something I wrote 27 years ago has stood the test of time. Thanks for asking. Here it is:
Dear Ann: I am a married woman in my early 30s who is puzzled and searching for answers that might not exist. Every now and then (more often, lately), I get word that friends of ours - couples who have been married for 25 years or longer - are getting a divorce. I harbor a secret fear in the corner of my heart that one day that “older couple” might be us.
“Timmy” and I have always gotten along well. We have four terrific kids. I made it a point to teach our children that Daddy comes first. He is king in our house. They love him and respect him. He is a wonderful father.
But there must be more to life than PTA, housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex with your husband. I ache to feel that special electricity when my eyes meet those of a handsome man across a crowded room. It never happens. I yearn for a lover who will make my heart pound a mile a minute. Timmy used to - but the thrill is gone. Things are quiet, calm and - I might as well say it - dull as dishwater.
We have a lot to be thankful for - good health, attractive, well-behaved kids and a promising financial future. Why isn’t this enough? Is something wrong with me? Am I chasing the impossible dream? I will be watching and waiting for your answer. Please don’t fail me. - Moonglow
Dear Moonglow: Put away your storybooks, little girl. You’ve got some growing up to do. Yes, there is more to life than PTA, housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex with your husband. There’s illness, infidelity and emotional breakdowns that make it impossible for some women to do the housework, cooking, cleaning and laundry.
As for sex with your husband, don’t knock it, honey. There are plenty of husbands who aren’t interested and an equal number who are getting sex someplace else. There is also alcoholism, in-law trouble, out-of-control children, unemployment and money worries. Read the papers. Look around. Case your friends.
No marriage can maintain the full moon-June-honeymoon level of excitement forever. And it’s a good thing. We would all collapse from exhaustion. Time diminishes the raging fires to a soft glow - present, but no longer ferocious and demanding. Count your blessings. Too many people fail to appreciate what they have until they have lost it. Don’t let this happen to you.
Dear Ann Landers: My roommate and I are squabbling about something most people would consider minor, but it’s becoming quite major. You always say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” but I wonder how “small” it is. It’s about electric lights.
It annoys me when “Betty” walks out of a room and leaves the lights on. I say she’s burning up real money. Betty says, “It’s pennies.” What do you say? - Fargo
Dear Fargo: Whenever lights burn, they cost money. However, turning them off and on causes wear and tear on the bulb, so cost-wise, it’s about the same. I’m with Betty. Kwitcherbellyachin’. No matter how you look at it, it’s small potatoes.