You Don’t Owe Anyone Details

Dear Ann Landers: I went through a difficult divorce and it was many years before I could trust enough to let someone new into my life. When I met “Dave,” I thought he was the man of my dreams. We fell in love and married. Everyone we knew thought it was a perfect match.

We had been married 10 months when I discovered that Dave was gay. We have not discussed it, although he knows I am aware of his sexual orientation. I cannot stay in this marriage, but I don’t know what to tell our family and friends. They will think I have lost my mind to leave such a wonderful man. I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone that he married me under false pretenses and has a relationship with a man.

Please help me. I don’t know where to turn. - Heartsick in the U.S.A.

Dear Heartsick: You do not owe the details of your breakup to anyone. This is an intensely private matter and should remain so. Simply say, “We agreed to go our separate ways because there were too many areas of disagreement.” If anyone presses for details, say, “I really don’t want to talk about it,” and change the subject.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband, “Dexter,” and I have been married a little over a year. We were cleaning the closets recently and came across the wedding album from Dexter’s previous marriage, which ended in divorce. I asked him to get rid of the pictures, but he refused and said, “Those pictures are a part of my past, and I may want to reflect on them in the future.” He said he hoped I would understand. Well, I must confess that I don’t “understand.”

Ann, we are planning to start a family soon, and I don’t want our son or daughter to see those pictures and ask me about Daddy and the “other bride.” Dexter said he will do whatever you say. I hope you will tell him to throw them out. - New Bride in Sunny California

Dear New Bride: Since Dexter has expressed his wish to keep those pictures, you should be gracious about it. They are no threat to you. I hope you will apologize and tell him it’s perfectly OK.

If you and Dexter have children, they should be told about his previous marriage. The best way to broach the subject would be to show them those pictures you wanted to throw away. Trust me.

Dear Ann Landers: “Charlotte in Georgia” wrote about how much joy having triplets brought her, even though she had three other children. She described how the children enriched her life. It was truly heartwarming and brought to mind a story I heard not long ago about a woman in our town who gave birth to triplets.

This woman became an instant celebrity to everyone except her next-door neighbor, who took the event in a rather matter-of-fact manner. While hanging out her wash in the backyard the next morning, she said to the new mother, “Hey - I heard you had triplets. That’s nice.”

The new mother felt deflated and replied, “Did you know that triplets happen only once in every 10,000 births?” Her neighbor dropped the bed sheet and said, “Goodness gracious! How did you ever have time to do any housework?”

I wish “Charlotte in Georgia” and all mothers of triplets continued fulfillment with their children and grandchildren. - Arthur in Largo, Fla.

Dear Arthur: Your letter reminded me of the McCaugheys in Iowa, who had seven at once. I wonder, now that all the publicity has died down, how much help they are getting from friends and the community. Please let me know, dear readers in and around Carlisle.