He’s A Good Kid, So Why Does He Get Poor Grades?

Q. My 16-year-old grandson, a sophomore in high school, does not have an interest in school, though he has a good attendance record. He is not a discipline problem at school. He had to repeat freshman English, which put him in his sister’s class. She is a straight-A student. He is a great kid and chooses nice friends. He’s also an excellent athlete but prefers to play in the city leagues, perhaps so he can escape the grade requirements at high school. His parents have a good relationship with him, except for his problem with turning in homework and getting good grades. They have talked to counselors and had him tested academically and psychologically. All that seems OK, but his grades are still very poor. When asked what he wants to do with his future he says he would like to go to Stanford on a baseball scholarship.

I have suggested to the parents that perhaps he has a disability such as dyslexia or attention deficit disorder. They become very defensive and deny anything is wrong, other than his stubbornness or laziness, though they are basically very caring parents. Can a person test academically OK and still have one of the above? Is there any written information that I could forward to the parents? What’s a grandparent to do?

A. If your grandson’s testing did not reveal any of the language learning disorders associated with difficulty in learning to read, it is unlikely he has dyslexia.

Your description of his behavior and relationships does not reflect symptoms of attention deficit disorder. There are numerous other reasons kids with good brains get bad grades.

Hans Steiner, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine, reminds us, “The developmental changes that occur during adolescence are extensive and affect virtually every domain of a teenager’s functioning.”

The global impact of these changes can affect an adolescent’s ability to organize his world, remember commitments, or plan ahead.

Rather than pressure his parents to share your worries, ask them if you may talk with him about his school work. If they agree, offer to be his mentor.

A mentor shows interest in what a student is learning, offers support, suggests resources, reviews assignments and shows a lot of caring attention.

Talk with him frequently. Go over his assignments with him. Ask how he’s going to do them. Reward each small step in his progress. Be his cheerleader.

Take him on visits to colleges - now. Student-led tours are motivating, and admissions officers will tell him about academic requirements. He needs to align his study habits more closely with his goals. Praise him for those things he does well - his pleasant behavior, discriminating taste in friends, consistent school attendance and athletic skills. Grandparents can be a helpful source of love and support.

Q. What’s the best way to address issues and questions about money? My son asks, “Are we rich?” “Who is rich?” “Is this a mansion?” “When I grow up I want to have lots of money.”

A. Teach him that measuring richness in money is one method, but a more important measure is the ability to love and be loved by others. A family is rich when the members care for one another and have fun together.

Being rich is having good health, kind friends and respect. Being rich is having the ability to earn the necessities of life.

Tell him he can always find some people who have more money and some who have less. Explain that it’s difficult to know how rich others are because it’s not polite to ask or talk about how much money family, friends and neighbors have.

Encourage his interest in learning how to have lots of money. Teach him how people earn money by working, starting their own companies or investing their savings. Offer to pay him for extra jobs, and teach him to save and invest his money.

Cathleen Brown is a clinical psychologist in California. Send your questions and comments to P.O. Box 6613, Los Osos, CA 93402. Faster yet, e-mail me: cabrown500@aol.com

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Cathleen Brown The Spokesman-Review