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That’s one mean princess

Someone asked Stan Williams, the Mariners’ pitching coach, what he thought of Randy Johnson’s vow to take a “mean and man” demeanor to the mound.

“My God, you look at a guy 6-foot-10 coming at you and throwing 100 mph, he can look like Princess Margaret and still put fear in people,” Williams said. “He’ll be fine.”

King of Cavs now King of Cads

Brian Schmitz of the Orlando Sentinel has this take on Shawn Kemp, who Sports Illustrated revealed has fathered seven children by six women at his attorney’s last count

“Shawn hasn’t quite found that one special girl to settle down with, but he’s trying every night.

“The weight of child-support payments caused Kemp, in part, to force a trade from Seattle. He signed with the Cavs for $107 million over seven years, a deal that gave him nearly an annual $12 million raise to cover everything from diapers to daycare.

“Kemp also should invest in condoms, seek a vasectomy or a lobotomy. Or maybe he ought to think about Magic Johnson.”

Learn showboating from a master

Oakland A’s rookie Ryan Christenson hammered a line drive last week in Cleveland that cleared the Jacobs Field fence in right-center for his first major league homer.

Christenson was at full throttle, however, until he reached third and realized the ball was out.

“The umpires never made a call and still haven’t,” manager Art Howe said. “Poor kid. Didn’t get to enjoy it.”

Christenson can always take lessons from teammate Rickey Henderson, the successor to Reggie Jackson as king of the home run trot. Henderson homered in the same game and primped and plucked his uniform circling the bases slowly.

“I don’t know if anyone enjoys home run trots more,” Henderson acknowledged.

We must be missing something

Men would rather watch the World Cup on TV than have sex with the woman of their dreams, according to a poll published in London Monday.

A survey by the Media Business Group found that more than 95 percent of men aged 20-34 said they would prefer to sit in front of the TV screen during the World Cup than spend a night of passion with their fantasy woman.

Over 35s were more likely to be distracted, with up to 40 percent of them admitting they could be lured away by a dream woman.

We can see the new marketing campaign now: “Soccer, better than sex.”

Watch those El Foldo remarks

Nick Faldo missed the cut in the Masters last month, followed by a final-round 83 at the MCI Classic, his highest score in 219 rounds on the PGA Tour.

He hasn’t finished higher than 48th in the six major championships since he was fourth in the 1996 British Open. But don’t count him out.

“In 1991 a reporter was sent to the Irish Open to write a story saying I was finished,” Faldo said. “Unfortunately for him I went on to win the tournament.”

The last word …

“It looks like the inkblot test I get at my psychiatrist.”

- Chicago Bulls Bill Wennington on Dennis Rodman’s latest hair design.